


(Blame) The Victim

by ParadiseAvenger



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Case Fic, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Rape Aftermath, Touch-Starved, awareness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-09-01 02:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20250418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadiseAvenger/pseuds/ParadiseAvenger
Summary: When Nathan walked into the station, he had the appearance of being raped, but no memory of what happened. It isn't until Audrey took him to the hospital that she was sure it was a Trouble. Nathan, Audrey, and Duke must put together the pieces of Nathan's assault to find the person responsible for the Trouble and rescue them while fighting the culture the Trouble created."Audrey wanted to look, didn’t want to look, and then looked. Her breath caught, sputtering, in her chest. It was one thing to deal with the dregs of humanity, to see horrible things happen to people every day, but something else entirely to see it happen to her partner."





	1. Doctors and Police

“Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused.” - Freda Adler

XXX

Audrey Parker paced the short hallway between the police station’s entrance foyer and the cluttered office she shared with her partner, Nathan Wuornos. It wasn't quite eight o'clock, but Nathan wasn't there yet. He typically arrived before her, two cups of coffee prepped and waiting. It was their morning ritual that she would test the temperature of both before giving Nathan his. Where was Nathan? He was chronically early to everything. She wasn’t worried. She convinced herself that she wasn’t worried nor was she so needy that she couldn’t last five minutes without Nathan’s company.

However, there was niggle of doubt building in the back of her mind. Her palms were clammy, her chest was tight, and her heart was pounding. Audrey had felt unsettled all weekend, since mid-Saturday-morning when she called Nathan but he hadn’t answered. He hadn’t responded to any of her calls or texts all weekend, not that he had needed too since there hadn’t been any Troubles. He was probably just enjoying some rare time off. She consoled herself by saying if he didn’t show on Monday, she would turn Haven upside-down looking for him. Nathan wasn't the kind of person who was glued to his phone. There were periods of radio silence from him in their off time—and terrifyingly during cases—but this… it felt different.

She wiped her sweaty palms against her jeans, pacing back and forth from her messy desk to the front foyer and back again, gnawing on the tip of her nail. Stan watched her restless path, the handset cradled between his shoulder and ear as he fielded the usual small-town complaints of a Monday morning. Though the parking lot was crowded with cruisers that had seen better days, there was still no sign of Nathan's blue Bronco. Something felt off to Audrey. A good detective always trusted their gut and hers was saying—

“Nathan!” she greeted when she spotted him casually climbing the steps.

Nathan smiled when he saw her and pulled open the front glass door. “Were you waiting for me?”

“Yes, I—” Audrey’s voice petered out as she took in his appearance. “Nathan, what… what happened to you?”

His good-morning smile flickered. “What do you mean?”

Nathan was wearing the same clothes he had on Friday, jeans and a dark blue button-down shirt. However, his jeans were filthy, not muddy or work-worn, but dusty-dirty as though he had been rolling around in someone’s attic or basement. The knees were torn and speckled with blood as though he had fallen. His shirt was just the same, ripped at the elbows and one shoulder. His boots were unlaced and he wasn’t wearing socks. Nathan was usually impeccably dressed, but he wasn’t immune to an off morning. However, this wrecked appearance wasn’t just the evidence of a hangover from the weekend or running-late morning.

His pale skin was smeared with the same dirt that covered his clothes. Dried blood was splattered across his handsome face, on his bare throat above the vee of open buttons, and his long-fingered hands. His lower lip was split, one eye was darkly bruised but not swollen, and there was a wound at his temple that had scabbed over. All of the injuries looked older, like they had been inflicted Friday or Saturday night. He looked like someone had worked him over in a big way, not that he could feel any of it, and his bright smile regardless of his many wounds unsettled Audrey.

Behind her, she heard Stan drop the phone with a clatter.

Audrey’s hands fluttered. She wanted to grab Nathan, to tilt his face into the light, to check on him, to comfort him, but…

“Nathan, your face, your clothes,” she managed. “What happened?”

Nathan’s expression faltered further, worry creeping in. “Audrey?”

She took his hand, their skin touching. She knew he could feel her, feel himself, when she touched him.

He hissed, drawing his hand away from her, and appeared to see it for the first time. His knuckles were bruised and split, dried blood coated his palms, and his fingernails were jagged. Shards of wood were embedded in his skin, splinters that stuck out like broken needles. He glanced at his other hand, but it was just the same. He looked down at himself, at his shirt and jeans, at his bruised knees and untied boots. His breath gave a little hitch. Then, Nathan whirled towards the bathroom, pulling open the single stall with shaking hands.

Audrey followed him, shutting and locking the door behind them so that other officers wouldn’t follow and ask questions.

Nathan stared at himself in the mirror, shakily tracing the hideous bruise on his face, the split in his lip, the blood occluding the white of his eye. All his injuries were made to look worse by the flickering fluorescent light overhead. “W-what happened?” he asked her. Mild panic seeped into his voice. He tore away from the mirror, searching her face for some sign. “What is this?”

“I couldn’t get in touch with you all weekend,” Audrey told him. She reached to touch him, but he flinched away. Instead, she wet a wad of paper towels and gingerly wiped some dirt from his cheek. Beneath the layer of grime, his skin was sallow and bloodless. “Nathan, where were you?”

“I-I don’t remember,” he whispered. He searched his face in the mirror, tilting this way and that to get a better view of the damage. “The last thing I remember is… leaving Friday night after the case.”

Audrey’s fingers grew chilled. “You don’t remember anything? From the whole weekend?”

Nathan took the towels from her, hissing when their fingers brushed. “Hurts,” he muttered. “What happened? Why can’t I remember anything? Is this a Trouble?”

Audrey eyed the skin visible through the ripped shoulder of his shirt. “We need to get you to a hospital.”

“For what?” Nathan asked, continuing to wipe his face and neck clean. “It looks like I got in a fight.”

Audrey touched his shoulder, fitting her hand through the rip in his shirt. His skin was cold.

Nathan cried out, dropping to his knees, tearing from her. “That hurts! Audrey, what—?” He spotted the rip in his shirt, the sleeve hanging down nearly to his elbow. His skin was the same shade as his dark shirt, blood spilling beneath his flesh. Shakily, he fumbled the buttons on his shirt, peeling it open. His breath hitched with surprise, if not awareness of the pain he should be feeling.

Audrey wanted to look, didn’t want to look, and then looked. Her breath caught, sputtering, in her chest. Nausea clawed at her throat and she felt lightheaded. It was one thing to deal with the dregs of humanity, to see horrible things happen to people every day, but something else entirely to see it happen to her partner.

Nathan’s exposed torso was a horror show of injuries. Both his shoulders were blackened, the joints bruised hideously. His muscles and bones were knotted, tangled, jutting out from his flesh at sharp angles. It looked like both his shoulders had been dislocated. His chest was scraped and bruised. There were boot marks on his flesh, the workman’s tread standing out against his white skin. Low on his pelvis, just above the line of his jeans, there was a cluster of weeping burns that looked like they had come from cigarettes. The injuries were purposeful, cruel, and horrible.

Nathan stared at his body, the shirt hanging open like wings around him. Now that Audrey knew, she heard his shoulder make a grinding sound when he moved. Careful not to touch his skin directly and cause him pain—cause him to feel what had happened to him—she pulled the shirt closed and fastened a few buttons. When her hands started to shake, she stuffed them into her pockets. She didn’t want Nathan to realize how upset she was.

“Nathan,” she said gently.

His head snapped up, his eyes meeting hers in a whorl of confusion and horror.

“We have to get you to the hospital,” she told him.

He nodded and weakly buttoned the rest of his shirt.

“Try not to move too much,” she said. “I know you can’t feel it, but it can’t be good for you to move while you’re… hurt like that.”

The shirtsleeves slipped as Nathan steadied himself up with both hands on the sink. His wrists were circled with bloody cuts and bruises. He had been restrained, he had fought, he had escaped, hadn’t he? And come here with no memory of what he had been through. He stared at his wrists and hands for several heartbeats before Audrey found the presence of mind to pull his sleeves down to hide the marks.

“Audrey,” he murmured. His voice was small and lost. “What happened? Why don’t I remember anything?”

“I don’t know,” she said softly. She wanted so badly to touch him. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”

Nathan nodded and unclenched his hands.

Audrey blew them both through the station, deflecting anyone who approached with a well-placed word or instruction. She didn’t have any answers and she didn’t need anyone else to see Nathan like this. He followed her, pressed as close as he could without risk of touching her. Though Nathan had arrived like nothing was wrong, there was no sign of his Bronco in the parking lot.

“Where’s your truck?” she asked.

Nathan looked around and then patted down his pockets.

“Did you walk here?” Audrey asked, glancing down at his unlaced boots. He couldn’t have walked far without tying them. He would have fallen on his face and his injuries were not a result of that carelessness. Now that she was looking, she saw marks on his ankles to match the ones on his wrists. He had been violently restrained, but why?

“Audrey,” Nathan said urgently.

She turned to face him, concerned and confused.

Nathan turned his pockets out, searching for his keys. Instead, he found used condoms. Some were dried, some were still sticky, all were knotted and neatly packed into his jeans. His wallet, his keys, his badge, his gun, his phone were all gone. Revolted, Nathan dropped them all and stared at his soiled hands. White-faced, Nathan patted himself down, but he couldn’t feel anything. “Audrey,” he said again, voice rising in panic.

“Hospital,” she repeated.

Audrey pulled off the jacket she was wearing, shoveled the condoms into it in lieu of an evidence bag, and wadded the whole thing up. She chose a random cruiser, bundled Nathan into the passenger seat, and flipped on the sirens. She didn’t care how early it was or what she must look like, driving like a maniac through sleepy Haven. All that mattered was getting Nathan to a hospital so they could begin trying to sort this out. The wad of dirty jacket and used condoms in her lap felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds.

Nathan was still searching his face in the small mirror, exploring his chest and thighs with unfeeling touches. Abruptly, he scrubbed his dirty hands vigorously on his jeans. “I can’t feel anything,” he said lowly. “I don’t know what happened.”

“We’re going to find out,” Audrey promised him. When she glanced over, she saw that his blue eyes were distant. “Nathan, stay with me.”

He jolted and then nodded.

Audrey started to reach across the seat, wanting to comfort him, but Nathan flinched away from her touch. She put her hands back on the wheel and doubled her speed, pressing the pedal almost to the floor. Nathan bumped the door as she took a curve too fast. Though she knew he couldn’t feel it, she slowed down anyway.

…

Doctor Rudy Lucassi thought he had seen it all. He had seen Troubles. He had seen people be saved and he had seen them die. He had worked in the Emergency Room when he was still a young physician, seen trauma and birth. He had seen insanity secondhand, experienced it firsthand. He hadn’t thought there was anything left to surprise him in his field. However, when Audrey barreled into his office first thing on Monday morning, he was surprised. Especially when she flashed her badge, then ushered Nathan directly in, and slammed the door behind them.

“Audrey, Nathan. What’s the meaning of all this?” Lucassi said by way of greeting. Then, he took one look at Nathan and his tune changed. “My god, what happened?”

Audrey guided Nathan to sit on the exam table without touching him. “We don’t know. Nathan walked into the station this morning like this. He doesn’t remember anything.”

Lucassi picked up a penlight and shone it in Nathan’s eyes. Though the detective looked shell-shocked, he was responsive and alert. Relieved, Lucassi pulled open Nathan’s bloody shirt with a hiss of sympathy. He palpitated Nathan’s chest and then his shoulders. He looked at Nathan’s battered wrists, at the burns on his stomach, at the boot marks on his ribs. “Shit,” he muttered.

Nathan was silent, staring at some point on the linoleum floor.

Audrey explained, “These are the clothes Nathan was wearing on Friday. Whatever happened to him, it lasted all weekend.”

Lucassi adjusted Nathan’s shirt, as though covering the injuries would make them cease to exist. Then, to Audrey, he said, “All weekend?”

“I’d been trying to get in touch with him,” Audrey reasoned, “but I just assumed—”

“You could have done something,” Lucassi said coldly. “You had to know.”

The accusation came at Audrey like a punch. She glanced at Nathan, shame heating her cheeks. She had felt in her gut that something was wrong, but it was the weekend. She thought Nathan needed some time to himself. She couldn’t have known what was happening to him—if she had, she wouldn’t have sat idly by for even a second. She opened her mouth to protest.

However, Lucassi turned back to Nathan and said in the same tone of voice, “And you… a big strapping man like yourself, you couldn’t do anything to prevent this?”

Nathan flinched, his eyes widening. “I don’t remember what happened.”

“Well,” Lucassi huffed, “clearly someone tied you up and had their way with you.”

Audrey’s mouth dropped open. “Lucassi!” she protested.

“Like you didn’t know,” Lucassi said to her. “Look at him. You can tell by the way he’s dressed.”

Nathan tugged the shirt closed over his bare chest, wincing as though Lucassi had struck him. Words were perhaps the most direct way to hurt him. They were the only things he could feel.

Audrey stepped between them, her heart pounding. “This isn’t Nathan’s fault,” she snapped. “He needs medical attention. Can you just—”

Lucassi slapped her, his hand cracking across her cheek like a shot. Her head snapped around, the muscle in her neck pulling at the force. “Quiet, Audrey. Just take your little harlot and go.” He crashed the door to the room open, letting everyone see Nathan, and shouted for his assistant. “Chelsea, bring the disinfectant. We’ll need to clean everything that he’s touched.”

Audrey found herself staring at the people in the waiting room, watching as if in slow motion as their expressions morphed from bored intrigue into disgust and hatred. Audrey didn’t like the way this was going. This had to be a Trouble for sure and she was already beginning to suspect the kind of person who had this Trouble. She had to get Nathan out of here, get him somewhere safe—now.

“Nathan,” she said and held out her hand for him to take if he wished. “Come on.”

He hopped off the exam table, squeezed past Lucassi, and took her hand. He hunched his shoulders against the stares and followed her without looking back. With his oversensitive ears, he could hear them all laughing and chattering even after the doors slammed shut. He focused on Audrey’s hand, on the points of pain and warmth spreading from her touch. Her skin was soft, but the pressure of her grip was firm on his scraped fingers. However, the pain was not so great as to make him want to let go. He held tightly to her, following in her wake as she hurried back to the cruiser. People stopped to stare at them, at him, and he felt exposed, naked, in their unforgiving eyes.

Audrey shuffled him inside the cruiser, slipped behind the wheel, and locked the doors.

“Audrey,” Nathan murmured. “This… it’s a Trouble, isn’t it?”

“I have that feeling,” she agreed. “Let’s just… we’ll go to the Gull. I’ll help you get cleaned up in my apartment.” Then, more to herself than to him, she muttered, “Hopefully, Duke isn’t there.”

She turned over the engine and pulled out of the hospital parking lot. Her cheek stung where Lucassi had slapped her and his words still rang in her ears. Blaming the victim, it was the oldest trick in the book. She glanced at Nathan, thinking of the used condoms he had found in his pockets, the marks on his wrists and ankles, the beating he had taken—she didn’t like where this was going. But, at least, Nathan couldn’t feel any of the physical pain. If he couldn’t feel it, maybe it wouldn’t…

The Grey Gull rose like a beacon on the edge of the waterfront, a lighthouse rising from a storm. It was still early and the bar wasn’t a breakfast place so it was quiet. Duke’s Land Rover was parked in its usual spot, but his little dinghy wasn’t at the dock. It didn’t look like he was here, at least for now. He would probably arrive for the lunch rush in a few hours.

“Let’s go,” Audrey said after she slanted the cruiser in beside the Land Rover.

Nathan climbed out of the car, eyeing his surroundings suspiciously. Audrey offered her hand and he took it. Together, they climbed the wooden steps to her apartment above the Gull. She unlocked the door, let him in, locked it behind them, and drew all the drapes. Swathed in darkness, she turned on a few lamps for ambient lighting.

Nathan watched her quietly, his pale eyes luminous in the darkness. The bruise was magnified by a shadow falling across his face, twisting his expression. Once she had finished with the lights and locks, he asked, “Are you… hiding me?”

“Yes and no,” Audrey said in a measured voice. “From them, yes, until we can figure out what happened and what’s causing it.” She approached cautiously and held her hand out.

It took Nathan a long moment to take it.

Audrey carefully avoided touching the scrapes on his knuckles. “I’m not hiding you because I’m ashamed of you or because I believe was Lucassi said. I just want you to be safe, okay?”

Nathan let out a shuddering breath, relieved.

“I think… I think I know what this is,” she murmured. She ran her fingertip along the lifeline of his palm tenderly. “When I—or rather, when Audrey Parker—was in foster care, we saw… too much of this.”

Nathan watched her touching his hand, shivering when she gently traced the webbing between his fingers. Her gentle caress felt sweet and kind, as though it was washing away the memory of something horrible. “You think I’ve been raped,” he said without preamble.

Audrey sucked in air through her teeth. “I think… I think we won’t know for sure until we look at you.”

Nathan looked down at the splinters of wood embedded in his knuckles. He couldn’t feel them. Even looking at them, he couldn’t summon a memory of the pain. It was only Audrey’s touch, lightly skirting the wounds, that made him aware of his injuries. He couldn’t do this without her. He would never know if he was hurt. It was like it didn’t happen.

“Can I… help you?” Audrey offered, bridging the awkward gap that he didn’t know how to cross to ask her.

“Please,” was all he managed.

They went together to her small bathroom. Audrey closed and locked the door behind them. Nathan wondered, for a fleeting moment, why she bothered. She had locked the apartment door too, but Duke wasn’t even here. What was she hiding from, protecting them from, worried about? She turned on the light and the faucet, running warm water in the sink. Nathan blinked in the sudden onslaught of brightness, reflecting in the big mirror above the sink.

“Can I take your shirt off?” she asked.

He nodded.

Gently, mindful of her bare skin and his, she peeled his dirty shirt off his shoulders. She could see his back in the mirror, his front from where she stood, and she sucked in a rattling breath. It looked like someone, maybe multiple someone’s, had kicked the hell out of Nathan. The bruises spilling across his skin were dark and painful-looking, but she knew he would only feel them if she touched. She kept her hands to herself, watching as Nathan examined himself in the mirror. He probed the injuries with his fingertips, hard, harder than Audrey would have liked, but he couldn’t feel it.

“Nothing’s broken,” he said and pressed where the boot prints on his ribs were especially dark. “Maybe that one rib. Doubt I have internal bleeding if nothing is broken.”

“I wish we’d gotten some x-rays,” Audrey murmured.

Nathan turned to face her, his hands drifting as though to cover himself before he lowered them. His dislocated shoulders popped and groaned. Though he couldn’t feel them, he could hear the unpleasant sound. “We’ve got to do something about these,” he told her.

Audrey’s hands fluttered nervously like a little bird uncertain of where to perch. The moment she started touching him, he would feel the pain of his dislocated joints, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him. “Are you sure? We could find a professional. There has to be someone—”

“We just came from the hospital,” Nathan reminded her. “Somehow, I think I'm going to get the same treatment wherever we go.”

Audrey touched his collarbone, the lightest brush that felt like it stoked a fire in his joints.

He hissed in pain, flinching from her.

“But you wouldn’t be able to feel someone else’s touch,” she said softly.

“Audrey,” he murmured. “Do you remember what happened with Lucassi?”

Her cheek was still stinging. She could still hear the doctor telling Nathan it was his own fault, that he was a harlot, that everything he touched had to be cleaned. It was needlessly cruel, the kind of thing she remembered from her years in foster care. She studied Nathan, wondering where he was going with this.

He took her hand and pressed it near his shoulder in a patch of skin that wasn’t broken or bruised. Her skin was warm and dry, making him aware of how cold he was. “You’re the only one who doesn’t want to hurt me, who wants to help me, right now. I trust you, Audrey,” he said. “Just… do it, okay?”

“I remember some first aid from my FBI training. It'll be easiest to realign the joint if you're laying down,” Audrey said. “We’re going to need space.”

Nathan nodded. He unlocked the bathroom door and followed her out into the living room. He lay down on the thick area rug and looked up at her. The lamplight caught around her blonde hair like a halo, momentarily shadowing her face. She hung above him, a silhouette, a dark void, a threat.

For a moment, Nathan didn’t see her at all.

Her comforting presence, her lived-in apartment, the scent of her perfume, the thick cushion of her braided rug over the cool hardwood floor—they all fell away.

Wooden crates caged him, a few broken into sharp splinters that poked and prodded into his back. His arms were spread wide, shackled, and his ankles were just the same. He couldn’t move, could only feel the cold and the pain. His breath came short, aching ribs straining. He choked, starved for air. Someone was pressing down on his chest, a heavy booted foot crushing his sternum. He stared up at the dark face, a void shaped like a man. He had an impression of a foul grin, of rough hands, of beady black eyes.

A voice hissed, ‘No one will ever touch you again.’

Nathan’s heart lurched, battering against his ribs. His skin seared, like fire, like ice—numb and throbbing all at once as though his Trouble was at war with someone else’s. He could smell cigarettes. The hot stench filled up his lungs and then choked him. He couldn’t breathe. Pain blinded him and he squeezed his eyes shut.

Distantly, he heard Audrey’s voice, calling his name with increasing volume.

Nathan tried to get up, tried to fumble to his feet. His legs burned, his ankles ached, his shoulders gave out. There was no strength in his body. He ached to his very core, spread out, filled with something poisonous and vile. He wrenched away, the muscles in his shoulder jerking and snapping. Pain raged and he might have screamed.

Then, all at once, warmth bloomed through his chest where Audrey gripped him. “Nathan, Nathan,” she said quickly. Her hand spanned his chest, supporting him, bringing him to his feet. “I’m here. I’m here. What is it? You’re safe. Nathan, Nathan, please, it’s me.” She steadied him, feeling his gasping breaths. “What is it? Talk to me. You’re okay.”

His breath came in little pants and his mouth was too dry to speak. He was on his knees, clinging to Audrey with both hands. She held him against her, his height bent almost double to tuck against her. She had her arms around him tightly, one hand threaded into his dark hair, the other pressed tight to his back. She was looking around, turning him slowly so she could search the whole room for threats. As his breaths came smoother, so did her words. Soon, she was whispering a mindless ‘ssshhh,’ into his hair and he found the strength to pull back.

Audrey kept hold of his hands. “What was that?” she asked urgently.

Nathan let his breath out shakily. “It was… more of the Trouble.”

“More?”

“I think I saw… saw the place where this happened. I saw it like it was happening right now.”

“You saw?” Audrey repeated. “What did you see?”

Nathan shook his head. “Not enough, just some crates. I heard a voice, but I didn’t recognize it.”

“And the person?”

He lifted a shaking hand to his face and dragged his palm across his mouth. “I couldn’t tell anything about them. It was like I was looking out of their eyes.”

Audrey guided him to sit on the couch, taking a seat on the coffee table in front of him, still holding his hands. “You scared me. Are you okay?”

His shoulders groaned as he moved, but he didn’t spot any new injuries. “I think so.”

“Do you think that was… your memory?” she asked gently.

“I really don’t know, but... it would have take a Trouble for Lucassi to react the way he did. My Trouble couldn't do that.”

“If someone else's Trouble is changing the culture around us,” Audrey said thoughtfully, “then... how do we know what's real?” She ran her thumb along the edge of his hand.

Nathan looked at the cracked skin on his knuckles, flexing his hand absently. He didn't have an answer for Audrey. He couldn't tell if he had been raped, if he was sharing injuries with a Troubled person, if someone's Trouble had been triggered by something happening to him, if this was all just some twisted nightmare brought to life. Nathan kept his eyes on Audrey’s hand, watching her fingers trace over and over his palm. He could feel that, feel her. He knew she was real.

Silence stretched between them. Distantly, Nathan could hear the crash of the waves and gulls crying.

“Do you want to try your shoulder again?” Audrey asked finally.

“Yeah, but… I don’t want to lay down.”

“Okay,” Audrey agreed. “We can try it like this.”

Nathan nodded and watched as she adjusted her grip on his arm. She braced her foot against his hip, mindful of the outcropping of burns there. Then, she began to apply a steady firm pull to his elbow. He leaned away from her, fighting the urge to retreat from the pain that sprang up under the points where their skin touched. There was a dull pop and he stopped hearing the grind in his joint.

“The other one?” Audrey asked gently.

He nodded and shifted to give her his other arm.

Audrey repeated the gesture, her brows drawn together with focus until she heard his shoulder pop again. “How’s that?”

Nathan rotated his arms, first one and then the other. He didn’t hear the sound anymore, but he couldn’t feel it.

Giving him plenty of time to stop her, Audrey reached out her hand and laid her naked palm over the battered joint, lightly at first and then with more pressure when Nathan didn’t flinch away. He rotated his shoulders again, feeling the muscles and bones shift against her hand. It ached dully, more a pulled muscle than the inferno of stretched ligaments and scraping bones it had been only moment before.

“Much better,” he told her.

She sighed. “You should still have a real doctor look at it,” she said.

“When this is over,” he promised.

They sat together for a moment with their knees almost touching. Nathan imagined he could feel the heat coming off her body, even though he couldn’t. Audrey was still resting her hand on his shoulder. The longer she lingered there, the more idle her touch became. She stroked his skin with her thumb lazily, patiently waiting for Nathan to speak. His bloody knees stuck out through the rips in his jeans, almost touching her legs when she shifted position.

“We should keep going,” Nathan said. He knew waiting was only prolonging everything—either someone was out there, still in dreadful trouble, or someone was getting away with a terrible crime. The sooner they figured out what had happened to him and took steps to fix it, the better.

Audrey nodded and followed him back to the bathroom. She closed and locked the door again.

Nathan kicked his ruined shirt between the tub and the toilet, unwilling to pick it up.

Her eyes tracked the line of cigarette burns on his waist. She reached out and then aborted the movement. Biting her lip, she offered, “Do you want to try to put together a rape kit?”

Nathan glanced at her, hesitated, and then shook his head.

“Nathan,” she said softly, almost in protest.

“We still don't know what this even is,” he told her. “If my body looks like this because of a Trouble...”

“What if it's not all because of a Trouble?” Audrey asked gently. “What if it... really happened to you?”

Nathan let out a shuddering breath. He knew she was right, but he didn't want her to see more of him than absolutely necessary. She was already going to have to examine some parts of him that he never really wanted her to see. Asking her to take samples from his body, from inside him, from his fingernails and hair, was just too much. They had all the used condoms that he had found in his pockets. He hoped that would be enough, should he need evidence.

“No,” he said after a moment. “If it's real, then... I'll deal with it later. What happened with Lucassi, that was a Trouble.”

Audrey nodded, folding her arms tight across her chest as though to hold herself together.

“I just want to get cleaned up,” Nathan told her.

His voice was smaller than she had ever heard it and she couldn't find it in herself to deny him. “Do you want to shower? Or should we clean you up as we go?”

“A shower would be great,” Nathan said hopefully. He might not be able to feel the marks on his body, but he could see them. He knew they were there.

Audrey nodded and turned away to start the shower. She held a hand under the spray for a while, waiting for the water to warm to a suitable temperature. She adjusted it a few times until it was perfect. Satisfied, she turned back to find Nathan staring at her. His mouth was pinched into a frown, jeans hanging low on his hips and marks standing out all over his body.

“Why’d you bother doing that?” he asked, not unkindly. “I can’t feel it anyway.”

Audrey jolted at the thought of Nathan just stepping into the shower, not knowing if the water was icy-cold or scalding-hot until his skin reacted one way or the other. How often did he turn his lips blue with cold or create blisters on his back from the heat? How often did he just stand in lukewarm water, unable to enjoy the pounding spray or the warmth after a long day?

“I,” she ventured, but didn’t know what to say. “I know you can’t, but… I can. I want to know that you’re taken care of.”

Nathan opened his mouth to brush her concerns away.

“It’s important to me,” she told him. She wondered how much of this was Nathan’s own thoughts or if any of it was spilling over from the Trouble. She couldn’t say which one concerned her more. “You’re important to me, Nathan. I don’t want to see you hurt, okay?”

He closed his mouth and nodded.

“Do you want me to step out or…?” Audrey offered.

“Stay,” Nathan murmured. “I’ll need you to look at me anyway.”

Wordlessly, he toed off his boots. His sockless feet were filthy and, somehow, the sight of his bare feet was more intimate than anything Audrey had expected. His toes were long and bony, nails neatly-trimmed, his skin paperwhite from lack of sun save where he had countless bruises from stubbing his unfeeling toes. His feet looked vulnerable in a way he didn’t.

She looked away while he stripped out of his jeans. However, a sharp intake of breath made her look back. Audrey could tell Nathan wasn’t used to going commando by the way he startled when he found himself immediately bare. She didn’t like the way his lack of undergarments fit into her scenario. There weren’t many barriers left to deny what had happened, could still be happening—to him or whoever’s Trouble this was.

Nathan breathed in, his chest hitching before he found his voice.

Audrey interrupted gently. “Why don’t you get cleaned up first? Then, we’ll look at you.”

Nathan nodded gratefully and stepped beneath the warm spray. There was no sign of pleasure or sigh of relief. He began washing himself clinically, scrubbing his body and his hair violently, his dim silhouette visible through the frosted glass. Audrey closed the lid on the toilet and sank down, her knees weak. She couldn’t help but watch Nathan’s shadow as he cleaned himself, wondering what he was feeling since he couldn’t feel anything. Was it easier or harder to only see the evidence of abuse, to have no memory nor any pain from an assault? Was it a blessing or a curse?

Nathan’s silhouette revealed nothing and he didn’t make a sound. Only when Audrey’s citrusy shampoo and lavender bodywash perfumed the steamy air did she hear Nathan exhale shakily. His frenzied scrubbing shifted into a more careful wash as he examined himself and breathed in the sweet scents. He couldn’t feel his own skin, but his sense of smell was heightened. She wondered just how much the scents of soap helped him. The smell told him he was clean, even if the bruises remained. After a moment, he shut off the water and stood, quietly dripping on the other side of the glass barricade.

Audrey stood up and fluffed a towel, holding it open for him. “Come on,” she offered. “I won’t look until you’re ready.”

Nathan scraped the door back and stepped out to find Audrey dutifully closing her eyes. He took the towel with a faint smile, dried his hair briskly, and then wrapped it around his hips. He imagined that the fabric was plush and soft. It looked it, but he couldn’t feel the texture of it or the cooling water on his skin. He touched Audrey gently, shifting her aside so he could see himself clearly in the mirror. She let him guide her, her eyes shut and her hands outstretched protectively in the tiny space.

Nathan took a moment to himself, studying the marks and bruises left on his body now that the grime was gone. He felt sick, exhausted, small, fragile. He didn’t know which of his emotions stemmed from the Trouble or from his own psyche. The feelings of inadequacy, nausea, sadness, pain all welled up inside him like an infection. He couldn’t remember what had happened, didn’t know if it had really happened or if he was just sharing the injuries with whoever was hurt. He had no idea. At least, he had Audrey. She had already protected him from Lucassi’s judgment and he didn’t want to think about what this would be like without her immunity to the Troubles, without her at his side—to be completely alone in this.

“Nathan?” she ventured, groping the air blindly. She wobbled against him, visual balance thrown off so long as her eyes were closed.

“You can look,” he said softly. He took her outstretched hand, holding it to anchor them both. Her skin was soft and warm, her short round nails pressing against him for the briefest moment. Something like revulsion welled beneath her touch, but he forced himself to breathe through it. He relished her touch, the only spot of warmth in the barren map of his battered skin.

Her eyes fluttered open, blinking a few times in the harsh overhead light. She searched his face for a moment, offering him a wan smile, before allowing her gaze to drift lower. He saw her throat flash as she swallowed back her emotions, felt her fingertips grow chill on his palm where he held her, saw her eyes glitter with tears that she didn't allow to fall. Within a moment, she had brought herself under control. She looked him over, seeming to catalogue and prioritize his injuries. Then, she took a deep breath and squeezed his fingers comfortingly.

“How do you want to start? Work our way down? Or get the worst over with?” she asked.

Nathan held out his hands, a few short splinters still sticking out of his raw knuckles. “I pulled most of them out in the shower, but…”

Audrey nodded and fetched some tweezers. Without skin on skin, Nathan felt nothing as she plucked each splinter of wood from his battered hands. He washed them when she finished, looking down at the open wounds mindlessly as the blood swirled down the drain. Audrey touched him carefully, doing her best to avoid causing him pain, as she wrapped clean gauze around his knuckles.

“Is that better?” she asked out of habit.

Nathan’s mouth quirked and he glanced at her from the corner of his eyes.

“You can’t feel it,” Audrey said with a light chuckle. “Right. Never mind. Next?”

Nathan let out a long breath and loosened his towel. “Let’s just get it over with.”

Audrey opened her mouth to protest, snapped it shut, and nodded. “Okay.”

Nathan dropped his most of his towel, holding it limply in front of his genitals.

It took Audrey a fleeting second not to appreciate all his bare exposed skin. She had wanted to see her handsome partner naked, but not under these circumstances. The damage inflicted on his torso spread onto his legs. Bruises in the shape of large handprints marked his hips, there were more rope burns circling the tender skin of his upper thighs, and additional cigarette burns encroached on the skin still hidden behind his towel.

“How do you want to do this?” Audrey asked softly. “Do you want me to look? Or... should I close my eyes? You could use my hand to see if you feel any pain. I don't have to look if you don't want me to.”

“Let's just get it over with,” Nathan said. He turned from her and braced his hand on the sink. The space between his thighs looked obscene and wide.

Audrey crouched down behind him, breathing deep. She could smell her shampoo and soap mingling with Nathan's skin. “I'm going to touch you now,” she murmured, “okay?”

“Okay,” Nathan agreed.

The hand-shaped bruises spanned across onto his buttocks. Audrey gingerly grasped around the bruises and spread his cheeks apart. His skin there was just as battered at the rest of him, scabbed over and painful-looking, but he wasn't actively bleeding and she wasn't sure what more she could look for. Audrey let out a shuddering breath and straightened up.

Nathan met her eyes in the mirror. “How bad is it?”

“It's... You're going to need a real doctor when this is over,” she said instead.

Nathan wrapped the towel tight around his hips, hiding himself. “What is it? Am I... hurt bad? How much damage is there?”

Audrey realized that skirting around what she had seen was only making Nathan more worried. Quickly, she admitted, “Your body... it shows all the signs of being raped. There's some... tearing, a lot of bruises, and... We still don't know if this is part of a Trouble or if you—”

“If I really was raped,” Nathan finished for her. He peered at himself in the mirror, examining his split lip and blackened eye. “I wish I could remember.”

“The flashback you had in the living room,” Audrey asked, “did it feel like... it was you? I mean, could you feel anything?” She pulled out some bandages to place over the weeping burns low on his hip.

“It felt like a dream,” Nathan ventured. He adjusted the towel so she could have better access, silent as she used a q-tip to dab on some antiseptic. Thoughtfully, he added, “I could feel the splintered wood from the crates on my back.”

Relief touched some part of Audrey’s heart. If he had been able to feel the crates on his back, the flashback probably wasn’t his. It probably hadn’t really happened to him—though she doubted that was a comfort to him when his body still showed all the damage. Sobered, Audrey realized that Nathan was still able to feel the pain—if only in the flashbacks of borrowed memory. She recalled his handsome face, twisted with pain and fear as he writhed on her living room floor. He still felt, if not the same way she did.

“Crates?” Audrey repeated to distract herself. She pressed the ends of the bandages down gently.

Nathan nodded, breathing through the ache that came with her touch on his burns.

“Sorry,” she said gently. “Could you see anything else? Any other details?”

“Nothing,” Nathan said. “There was a bright light overhead. Everything was in shadow, including the face I saw.”

Audrey dragged out a sigh and began putting away her supplies. There was nothing she could do for Nathan’s other injuries. They were all either too minor or too severe for her scope of treatment. “Alright, I’m going to check in with the station and see if anything relevant came in. In the meantime, I think I have some sweatpants that might fit you.”

Nathan's lips quirked in a wry smile. “Think I'll look good in your clothes, Audrey?”

She grinned at him. “Definitely. Everyone looks good in fuzzy pink kitten pants.”

Nathan's eyes widened.

“Kidding,” Audrey said. She unlocked the bathroom door and headed to her bedroom. She rummaged through her dresser and found a pair of over-sized grey sweatpants and a t-shirt that had stretched out in the wash but was too soft to throw away. She poked at Nathan's dignity by giving him a pair of fuzzy pink socks. “Here. These might not be the best clothes, but they're clean.”

Nathan tossed his filthy jeans and shirt into a plastic bag on the off chance they needed them for evidence. He took the clothes back to Audrey's bathroom, dressed quickly, and even pulled on the thick warm socks. What did he care that they were pink? At least they smelled like her. He hung up his towel and padded into the little kitchenette where Audrey started brewing strong coffee. She had her phone cradled against her shoulder, paging into the police station for an update, and stifled a grin when she saw him in her clothes. His ankles stuck out obscenely, legs far to long for the sweats, but the shirt fit him pretty well.

Nathan glanced at the digital clock on the microwave, surprised that not even two hours had passed. It seemed like so much time had gone by since he had stumbled into the station like nothing was wrong and realized that everything was wrong. He sank down on a barstool, pleased that he couldn’t feel the pain that should be lancing through his rear. For the first time, he was a little grateful for his Trouble.

“Hey Stan,” Audrey greeted. “How's it going? Anything come in since I left?”

“You mean since you ran out with Detective Dickless?” Stan responded crassly.

Audrey made a face like she'd been struck and hastily schooled her expression.

Nathan was looking at her curiously, but he must not have been able to hear Stan's response.

“Yes,” she agreed. “Have there been any other similar cases?”

“Nope, no other sluts have come in complaining that they’d gotten what was coming to them,” Stan said almost jovially, like it didn’t matter one way or another.

Audrey gave Nathan what she hoped was a reassuring smile and put a little space between them, hoping he wouldn’t hear yet another one of his friends turn against him. At least she knew for certain that this was a Trouble now. She didn't believe Stan and Lucassi would both respond the same cruel way to shattering news like this.

“Call me first if anyone does happen to come in,” Audrey said.

Stan chuckled. “Want first go at them? There are better ways for you to get some, Audrey,” he said too loudly. “You have Dickless right there with you. Take him for a ride. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“Stan,” Audrey said firmly. “I want you to call me first if anyone comes in with similar stories to Nathan’s. If you don’t, you’re going to get a hell of a write up.”

Stan fumbled. “Sorry.”

“Spread the word,” she ordered. “Call me immediately if something changes.”

With that, Audrey hung up.

Nathan was peering at her, his blue eyes sharp beneath the bruises. “What did he say?”

“That nothing else has come in similar to this,” Audrey assured him. She poured him a mug of coffee, stirred in some cream, and set it aside to cool to a safe drinking temperature.

“That’s good,” Nathan said. “You should call Dave and Vince too, ask if anything like this has happened before.”

Audrey wasn’t sure she was ready for another slew of victim-blaming vitriol to come out of the mouth of someone she cared about, but she knew Nathan was right. “I will after breakfast,” she said. “Dave and Vince are probably still out delivering papers. Can you remember eating anything?”

Nathan ran his tongue over his teeth. “You don’t want to know,” he said after a moment.

Audrey swallowed, her stomach tightening. “Do you want pancakes?”

Nathan smiled, the split in his lip pulling. “That sounds great.”

Audrey took of sip of his coffee, deemed it acceptable, and slid it across the counter towards him.

He cradled the mug in his hands habitually though he couldn’t feel the heat and took a sip.

Audrey began bumbling about the kitchenette, heating up a non-stick griddle and taking down her favorite boxed batter. She made a show of trying to hide the ingredients from Nathan, trying to preserve what she claimed was her secret recipe. With his oversensitive taste buds, he had already figured out that she added nutmeg, cinnamon, and a hint of orange zest to the Bisquick. He watched her as she worked, deftly stacking and flipping pancakes. When she finished, she poured out two glasses of orange juice and stacked the plates in front of him.

“Dig in,” she said cheerfully and plopped down beside him.

Eating companionably with Audrey, unable to feel the hurts inflicted on his body, made it easy to think that these were different circumstances entirely. Nathan allowed himself to enjoy her cooking, the way she attended his particular deficiencies by testing the temperature of his coffee when she refilled his mug, and the way smiled at him like nothing had changed. He wished he could feel the texture of her clothes against his skin. At least he could smell her, smelled like her.

Then, there was a frenzied knock at the door.

XXX

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	2. Bystander and Media

“We must send a message across the world that there is no disgrace in being a survivor of sexual violence. The shame is on the aggressor.” – Angelina Jolie

XXX

The french doors shook under the force of the pounding knock, white curtains trembling. Nathan stopped eating, his fork clenched in a white-knuckled grip as the pancakes turned to cement on his tongue. Pinpricks of blood showed through the gauze on his hands.

“Audrey?” came Duke’s voice on the other side of the door. “Audrey, are you there?”

Audrey hesitated to answer him a beat too long, her fork hanging in the air partway to her mouth.

“What did Stan really say when he called?” Nathan asked her, his gaze too sharp.

She put down her fork and chewed her lower lip. “Nothing that I want to repeat. That’s why I threatened him with a write up,” she said.

“I know you’re in there,” Duke called. “I can see the cruiser parked outside. I’ve heard some things in town. I-I need to talk to you.”

Audrey tipped herself off the barstool and pushed away from the island. “Stay here,” she said to Nathan. “I’ll just talk to Duke outside.”

However, Duke wasn’t the kind of person to stay within Audrey’s neat plan. Once she opened the door and said, “Good morning,” he barged past her urgently. His hair was wild, his eyes red-rimmed like he hadn’t slept last night, and his hands were shaking minutely when he dragged them over his face. His layered clothes were neat and clean, at odds with his expression.

“Duke?” Audrey asked. Her desire to protect Nathan warred with her worry for Duke. “What happened?”

“I just went into town to make a, you know, delivery and someone told me that Nathan had—”

Nathan flinched at the mention of his name and Duke immediately spotted him, sharp brown eyes zeroing in like a predator spotting prey. Audrey stiffened, uncertain if this was going to follow the pattern she had already witnessed with Lucassi and Stan. She prepared to put herself bodily between Duke and Nathan before anything could happen. The last thing their already-rocky relationship needed was something cruel said in a Trouble-induced state.

Duke took a tremulous step towards Nathan.

Audrey stepped between them, holding her hand out to halt Duke’s advance. “Duke,” she said in a low warning tone.

However, Duke’s red-rimmed eyes welled up with fresh tears. “Oh god,” he breathed out. His knees started to buckle and Audrey hastened him to the couch. His entire body shook under her hand. “I did it. I really did it,” he gasped out. “I didn’t want to believe that I could, but Nathan—he looks—oh god.”

“Duke?” Audrey asked worriedly.

“I did it,” Duke forced out. “I did that to Nathan. I-I held him down and I—”

Nathan got to his feet, circling closer but wary in case Duke's guilt suddenly shifted to blame. “Audrey,” he interrupted. “It wasn’t Duke. It couldn’t have been Duke.”

“Nathan,” she said softly. She knew Nathan and Duke had a difficult rapport and she wanted to believe as much as the next girl that her friend was incapable of sexual assault, but… if Duke was confessing… She rubbed little circles into Duke's back, feeling him shiver.

“No, he didn’t. I know he didn’t,” Nathan insisted. “Remember, I told you in that flashback, I heard a man’s voice, but it wasn’t Duke’s. I know Duke’s voice, Audrey.”

Audrey glanced back and forth between them, unable to argue against Nathan’s logic. “So… is this more of the Trouble?”

Nathan perched on the couch beside Audrey, looking cautiously over her shoulder at Duke. “Let’s think about it. Authority figures—police and doctors—have both showed signs of,” he swallowed, “blaming the victim. What if regular people, like Duke, think they did it?”

Audrey handed Duke a tissue to blot his face. “That’s a stretch,” she murmured.

“Do you have a better idea?” Nathan asked defensively.

Duke blew his nose with a honk and sniffled.

“Well, no,” Audrey admitted.

Nathan turned his attention to Duke. “Hey, you remember doing this to me, right?”

Duke’s head snapped up, watery eyes focusing on Nathan. “How can you stand to be this close to me after what I did to you?”

“I can’t stand to be around you usually,” Nathan said curtly. “Now, try to think back. Where were we?”

Duke’s brow wrinkled. “You don’t remember?”

Nathan reflected the question. “You don’t remember where we were?”

“No, of course I do, it’s just…” Duke trailed off, thinking hard. “It’s all kind of fuzzy. Was I drunk?”

“There were wooden crates,” Audrey prompted, catching on to Nathan’s train of thought. If he knew a little about the assault, then maybe Duke knew something too.

Duke’s face went pale. “Right, I think it was a warehouse. I remember the light overhead was flickering, but it was so bright.” He reached out, as though to touch Nathan’s face.

Audrey intercepted his hand and held it comfortingly.

Nathan tensed, his every muscle coiled as though to spring away, but he didn’t move yet. He trusted Audrey.

“You looked lovely, tied up the way you were, but—” Duke’s mouth curved into a sharp frown. “You… you’re not a woman. I remember… seeing breasts.”

Nathan let his breath out in a rush.

Audrey squeezed Duke’s hand a little harder, both relieved and horrified. “You’re doing great, Duke. Tell me more. Do you know who was there?”

“It was Nathan, wasn’t it?” Confusion marred Duke’s features. “I raped Nathan, right? He was screaming and there was blood.” Duke paused, his voice wavering. His dark eyes darted, scanning the room as though the memory would surface if he just looked at the right object. He dragged his gaze back to Audrey’s, searching her face. “There was a woman. She wanted me to do it. She said, ‘No one would ever touch Nathan again,’ but it… Was it Nathan? It was Nathan, wasn’t it?”

“I heard the same thing,” Nathan said eagerly. “We have to talk to more people. Maybe they can start piecing together what happened and to who.”

“It’s worth a shot,” Audrey agreed hesitantly. She didn't have a better idea, even though she was wary about parading Nathan around in public. If Lucassi and Stan had both behaved so viciously, how would other citizens of Haven react to him? She didn’t want to see him attacked, verbally or physically, but she didn’t want to be set upon by sobbing guilty masses either.

Nathan jolted to his feet and headed for the door without a second thought.

Audrey snatched his wrist, pulling him up short of the door. “Hold up, Nathan. You can’t just run out there, dressed like that.”

For a moment, Nathan’s face flared with fear as though he thought she was going to fall prey to the Trouble’s affect. However, Audrey pointedly looked at his borrowed clothes, right down to the fuzzy pink socks on his feet and his exposed ankles, and smiled kindly. He let out a breath of relief and grasped her hand, squeezing it. He could still feel her, she was still immune to this, she was still at his side.

“Oh,” he agreed. “Right.”

“Duke,” Audrey called. “Can you bring me some clothes to fit Nathan?”

“Sure,” Duke said. He looked a little better now that he was all cried out. “I’ll be right back.”

Audrey cleaned up the breakfast mess while they waited for Duke to return. He came back, looking refreshed and more put together. However, when he laid eyes on Nathan, he looked about to start crying all over again. It was only through some sheer force of will that Duke swallowed the knot in his throat and held out the stack of clean clothes for Nathan.

“Sorry,” Duke couldn’t help saying.

“It wasn’t you,” Nathan assured him. He took the clothes into the bathroom and changed quickly. When he reemerged, he glanced at his ruined clothes where they were bagged up beside the mess of used condoms. “Do you think I should have put those back on?” he asked Audrey.

“I don’t think it’s going to matter,” she said. “Duke reacted despite the fact that you were wearing my clothes.”

Nathan looked down at himself, now dressed in Duke’s heavy jeans, a t-shirt, and light sweater. “True.” He laced his boots up over Audrey’s pink socks, the hem of the borrowed jeans hiding them effectively.

Audrey caught Nathan’s hand and squeezed it with a thin smile. Her relief that he hadn’t been violated was tempered by the fact that there was a woman out there, suffering who only knew what, where, and for how long.

“We’ll find her,” Nathan said briskly, reading her thoughts in her face. “It’s good that this happened to me since I can’t feel any of it. Come on.”

“I’m coming too,” Duke interrupted. He rose from the couch and followed them like a man condemned.

“Duke, you don’t have to,” Audrey said as she stuffed her feet into her boots and tied them.

“I do,” he said assuredly. “Whoever’s Trouble this is, they’re hurt bad.” His eyes flicked to Nathan, injuries hidden by his unfeeling Trouble and his clothes save for the visible marks on his face and at his wrists. “I might not really be responsible, but it still feels like I did it. Besides, I heard you two talking and I just came from town. It sounds like you might need backup. A lot of people think Nathan had this coming.”

Nathan shivered. He was used to not feeling pain, but his emotions were still there—as tender as anything. Being treated this way by Lucassi had hurt more than he had ever considered. At least he had Audrey at his side. This poor woman, she was alone in her private hell, reaching out with her Trouble so that everyone knew what it felt like.

“Did you call Vince and Dave?” Nathan asked Audrey.

She collected her phone, gun, and badge before shrugging into her jacket. “Not yet. I will once we’re on the road.”

Without his wallet, gun, or even his phone, Nathan felt truly naked for the first time. He followed Duke outside while Audrey locked up. Then, the three of them headed downstairs to Duke’s Land Rover. Their footsteps echoed hollowly on the wooden steps, beating like a heart. The Gull was quiet, the ocean was dark and slate-grey, and a single bird circled overhead, crying mournfully.

There was a gold sedan slanted in behind Audrey’s cruiser and Duke’s Rover. A young woman with short dark hair was slumped behind the wheel, weeping into her hands.

“Wait here,” Audrey said to Duke and Nathan. She approached slowly and rapped on the window.

The young woman startled, snapping her head up to meet Audrey’s eyes. Her expression was cracked, tears ran rivulets of makeup down her cheeks, and her mouth hung open with ugly sobs. As with Duke, it took her a moment to spot Nathan. Then, she wrenched her door open and stumbled past Audrey, blubbering. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to—I was just—you were so sweet. I had to taste you.”

Duke brought himself up between Nathan and the young woman, heading her off.

Nathan stumbled backwards, his legs unsteady beneath the onslaught of apologies. More memories welled up in his skull, pressing his mind aside until there was no room left for him. He was in that space again, the wooden planks cutting incongruously into his back. His wrists and ankles were raw and throbbing in time with his heartbeat. The flickering too-bright light swung overhead, alternately blinding him and throwing him into darkness. His breath felt like it stopped each time he fell to the darkness, leaving him shaking and coughing.

A man moved back and forth, muttering to himself. It was the voice Nathan had heard already.

Nathan could feel the cold air on his naked body, mingling with the blood that ran hot from the cuts on his arms. He squirmed, testing the restraints that kept him pinned open like a frog for dissection. He thought to pull his legs together, as if they’d lose interest if they couldn’t see their prize. Now that he was looking, he could see small breasts, but nothing else of the woman’s body that would help identify her.

“Stop fussing,” came a voice Nathan hadn’t heard before. It was lighter, fainter, female. “No one knows we’ve got you. We can take our time.”

“No, no,” the man mumbled. “No one’s going to touch her again.”

Smoke plumed somewhere above Nathan’s head, the acrid stink burning his lungs. “Come on, man,” she said carelessly with another exhale. “Just have a taste.”

Nathan saw the ember-red tip of the cigarette coming closer and closer. He felt the heat an instant before it seared into the flesh above his hip, digging deep. He screamed, his high and sharp with pain, unrecognizable. Then, the darkness came in, blocking out all his senses. He could smell the cigarette smoke and his own burning flesh. Beneath it, there was saltwater and fish guts.

When he came back to himself, Duke was restraining the sobbing woman with both hands locked around her wrists. He looked sick to be doing it and she was still weeping openly, crying out for Nathan’s forgiveness and giving weak excuses. She kept trying to shake free from Duke, trying to approach Nathan with a mix of want and sorrow on her red face.

Nathan ripped his gaze from her, focusing on Audrey. His chest was too tight, he couldn’t get in a deep enough breath, and his limbs were shaking. He was hyperaware of the warmth of Audrey’s body, his own skin cold in comparison. Audrey knelt at his side, her hand braced in the middle of his back, rubbing slowly to ground him.

“There you are,” she said gently. “What did you see this time?”

“There’s someone else there—two people,” he told her. “The woman with the Trouble, she was taken by a man and a woman. The man seems remorseful, like Duke and this girl.”

Audrey glanced over her shoulder. “What about the other woman?”

“She smokes,” Nathan said.

It took a moment for Audrey to make the connection and then she bit her lip. “So, if the Trouble is reflecting what’s happening, then we shouldn’t be worried about running into the ones who are reflecting the man so much as the ones reflecting this smoking woman.”

Nathan let Audrey help him to his feet. “The smoking woman is out for blood. She wanted this.”

“And the one with the Trouble?”

“Duke’s right,” Nathan said. “I could see her breasts, but there was nothing to help identify her. No jewelry, no Guard tattoo, no scars that I could see. She screamed when she was burned, but I didn’t recognize her voice.”

Audrey heaved a breath. “That’s not much to go on,” she said as she ushered Nathan past the weeping woman and into the Rover. Then, she returned to Duke and separated him from the young woman. Duke piled into the driver’s seat, his knuckles white around the steering wheel. Together, he and Nathan watched Audrey speak firmly to the woman and send her on her way home.

“I’m sorry,” Duke said to Nathan.

“It wasn’t you,” Nathan repeated. He hoped that if he said it enough, he would believe it too. Knowing that Duke hadn’t assaulted him didn’t stop him from wanted to cringe behind the nearest protective surface. His skin crawled at Duke’s mere proximity, which was an interesting sensation since Nathan couldn’t actually feel his skin. It got a little worse with each memory he channeled. “You know that, right?”

“Yeah, but…” Duke turned slightly, his dark eyes searching Nathan’s face, “I still feel it, you know?”

They watched Audrey hesitate before returning to the Rover after the woman had driven out of sight. She seemed to be taking a moment, composing herself after listening to the woman sob about how she just had to taste Nathan, had to feel him, had to have him for herself. The stiff sea breeze blew through her blonde tresses and she tamed them with one hand.

“This is a shitty Trouble,” Duke muttered.

Nathan couldn’t disagree.

Audrey climbed into the passenger seat, her game face back in place. “Alright, I sent her home. I don’t want to know how the station would handle her coming in to confess right now and she didn’t really do anything,” she explained to them. “Let me call Vince and Dave.”

“How are you going to explain what’s happening?” Duke asked.

“I figure I’ll just tell it like it is,” Audrey said. She punched in the speed dial for the Haven Herald and pressed the phone to her ear. “You should drive, Duke, just anywhere. We should keep moving.”

Duke put the car into drive and rumbled away.

Nathan watched the relative safety of the Grey Gull diminish in the rearview mirror.

It took a few rings for Vince to answer, his big voice filling the phone. “Haven Herald.”

“Hey, Vince,” Audrey greeted. “I need you to check the archives for me.”

There was the sound of him fetching a pen and paper. “Okay. What for?”

“I need rape cases,” Audrey said. There was no time to be sugarcoating this Trouble. “Nothing specific.”

Vince paused a moment. “Dave, pick up the other handset,” he said to his brother.

Dave came on the line. “Hello Audrey. What can we do for you?”

“Rape cases,” Audrey repeated slowly. She saw Nathan flinch from the corner of her eye and Duke’s hands tightened further on the steering wheel, but there was no time for dancing around niceties. A woman was out there, being tortured right now, and Audrey wasn’t sure how many more times she could see Nathan acting out her assault, writhing and screaming on the ground, his skin alight with bruises and cuts.

“You must be mistaken,” Dave said. “There has never been a rape case in Haven.”

Audrey sucked in air. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing’s ever been reported,” he repeated.

Vince made a noise of protest. “That’s not true, Dave. You remember when we were young—”

“That little whore had it coming,” Dave bit out, “and just look, that little whore had a little whore of her own and the family line continues. Those women are nothing more than prostitutes.”

Vince shouted at Dave. “That’s not true and you know it! You don’t know what it’s like—”

“Guys!” Audrey shouted before her voice could be lost to the argument.

They clammed up, breathing raggedly into the phone.

“Just give me her name. I’ll check it out myself,” Audrey said.

Dave hesitated.

“Just tell her,” Vince snapped.

“She’s going to be soiled if she goes to that woman’s house,” Dave protested.

“Dave!” Audrey said sternly.

“Alright, alright, it’s… the Livingstone family,” he relented. “But I’m telling you, no good will come of consorting with those women—”

Audrey snapped her phone shout, stifling Dave’s protests.

“Find anything?” Nathan asked, even though he must have heard.

Audrey turned slightly to face him. “Do you know the Livingstones?”

“I’ve seen them in passing. They’re nice,” Nathan said. “They mostly keep to themselves. The grandmother, mother, and daughter all live together on the outskirts of Haven.”

“Dave and Vince said that Haven’s never had a rape case,” Audrey said thoughtfully.

Nathan didn’t disagree. “We don’t get many.”

“Only something like one in six rapes are even reported,” Duke put in. “Most of the time, the victims are too afraid of repercussions to even come forward. Nathan, I’m so sorry.”

Audrey paused to rub Duke’s arm consolingly. “It wasn’t your fault, Duke.”

Nathan fiddled with his bandages on his knuckles. “I’d like to think that we don’t cover them up, but the Chief—my dad—isn’t exactly the kind of man you’d have wanted to lay such a delicate issue on.”

“Let’s just start by talking to the Livingstones. We have no idea if they’re even Troubled. Do you know where they live, Duke?”

Duke nodded and flipped on his blinker, turning around in a local gas station. He pulled back onto the road and drove quickly to the edge of town. The houses grew more and more ramshackle, until they got to the point that Audrey couldn’t believe people still lived in them. Duke came to a stop and put the car in park outside of a clapboard house with broken front windows. Scrubby yellow grass sprouted between stones and there was a pink tricycle on the sagging steps. The neighborhood, if it could be called that, was quiet in the mid-morning sun.

Nathan made to get out.

Audrey stopped him with hand on his chest. “Maybe you should wait here.”

“Yeah, they’ll just go all weepy when they see you,” Duke added.

Audrey though that was the best-case-scenario. What if they attacked Nathan, insisting he deserved every bruise and tear?

“Even if they don’t know something about what’s happening, every time I meet someone, I remember a little bit more. If it’s not the Livingstone’s family Trouble, then we need all the information we can get,” Nathan protested.

“You’re not wrong,” Audrey said placatingly, “but let me go up first. I’ll talk to them and bring them out to see you one at a time. We don’t know what will happen yet. Duke, will you stay here with him?”

“Sure.”

Audrey let herself out of the Rover and picked her way up to the front steps. There was no bell, so she knocked hard on the front door. Someone scuffled inside, a child’s voice spoke, and then the door pulled open. An old woman in an antique wheelchair peered up at Audrey with watery eyes. A little dark-haired girl peeped out from behind her chair, sucking her thumb.

“Hi,” Audrey said. “I’m Detective Audrey Parker. I need to ask you a few questions.”

“Please do, but I’m afraid I can’t invite you in. The house is a mess,” the old woman said. She coughed raggedly into her elbow.

“No problem,” Audrey said and tried to peek around the chair. “Is your… daughter at home?”

“She’s at work. It’s just me and the little one.”

“I know this might sound strange, but can you call her? I just want to make sure.”

The old woman shook her head. “Sorry, but we don’t have a phone.”

Audrey bit her lip. “When did you see her last?”

“Just this morning.”

Audrey let out a breath of relief, thinking of the little girl still peeking from behind her grandmother. Nathan had been missing since Friday night. Assuming the timeline matched up with Nathan’s disappearance, the Troubled woman would have gone missing at the same time. “One more question,” Audrey continued. “Have you heard of the Troubles?”

“Oh, yes,” the old woman said. “It’s part of why we live here.”

Audrey eyed the shack. “Why you live here?”

“It’s our Trouble,” the old woman explained. “So long as we live here, we will always find happiness. That’s why we’ve never left.”

Audrey let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. At least they weren’t living in this hovel because they had been ostracized by Haven’s citizens. This rape-culture Trouble was new. It was revolving around Nathan and the Troubled woman wherever she was. Since the old woman and the young girl were the worst ages to be subjected to the current Trouble, Audrey thanked them for their time and headed back to the truck.

“Well?” Nathan asked.

“It isn’t them,” Audrey said. “Assuming the timeline meshes, they’re all accounted for. And their Trouble is about living in that house.”

Duke revved the engine and pulled away. “Now what?”

“We introduce Nathan to someone in a controlled environment, on the off chance they behave like the smoking woman and not like you,” Audrey explained. “Hopefully, he’ll get to remember a little more.”

“Hopefully, I remember something that will actually help us find the Troubled woman.”

Duke glanced at Nathan. “Well, what do we know so far?”

“It’s happening to a woman who isn’t in the Guard. There are wooden crates,” Audrey said and ticked her fingers. “She’s probably being held in a storage warehouse somewhere, one that needs a new lightbulb. She was kidnapped by a man and a woman and the woman is the most dangerous one.”

“Guts,” Nathan said. “I could smell fish and the ocean the last time.”

“We’re probably looking for a waterfront warehouse,” Duke mused. Then, he added bleakly, “Or a big ship with a cargo hold.”

“That doesn’t really narrow it down,” Audrey murmured. “It has to be relatively close to Haven, even if it is on a ship, but there’s a lot of ocean out there.”

“I need to remember more,” Nathan said urgently. “Just pull over. Let someone see me.”

“Nathan, no,” Audrey protested.

Guilty, eager to do anything that might make it up to Nathan, Duke had already pulled into a nearby parking lot outside Haven’s best diner. The breakfast crowd had faded and it was still too early for the lunch rush. Regardless, there was a young couple emerging from the shiny building. They were laughing, carrying Styrofoam containers of food and hot coffee. Nathan pushed open the back door before Audrey could stop him and stepped out, approaching the couple cautiously but too quickly for Audrey’s liking. She clambered out after him and heard Duke hit the ground running.

“Nathan,” she called.

It took all of ten seconds for the Trouble to affect the two youngsters.

The girl uncapped her to-go coffee and threw the steaming liquid in Nathan’s face. “Whore!” she shouted. “Stay away from my boyfriend.”

On the other hand, the boy crumpled to his knees and started sobbing. “No! I’m sorry! I had to have you. I wanted you so badly, you little tramp. You little minx, you just looked so sweet. I had to have a taste. I had to be inside you.”

Nathan reeled, his eyes burning even if his skin wasn’t. Duke caught him, gripping his shoulders as he stumbled. He rubbed his face with both hands, tears streaming down his cheeks from the heat. Audrey stepped between them all, her hands outstretched to block as much of their view of Nathan as possible.

“You slept with that slut?” the girl demanded. “How could you!?”

“I didn’t mean to,” the boy continued. “He was right there, all ripe and tied up for the taking. I thought, ‘Just once.’ No one was going to know. No one was going to touch him anyway.”

“You asshole!” she shrieked. Then, she whirled on Audrey, Nathan, and Duke. “This is all your fault. If you weren’t just lying there with your legs spread, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Yeah,” the boy agreed. “This is all your fault, whore! You tricked me, beckoned me in with your filthy body. I should never have been walking the docks at night.”

Duke kept a firm hold on Nathan while his body writhed and contorted. He held Nathan up, watching as his eyes rolled back in his head. He gasped, wincing and struggling against invisible bonds. Audrey had her hands full, trying to keep the two kids away. Nathan’s boots scrabbled on the pavement, kicking weakly at Duke’s shins. He thrashed, tears rolling down his cheeks as more and more memories cascaded over him. Duke started trying to drag him backwards towards the Rover. Hot coffee dripped off Nathan and onto Duke's bare forearms.

“Let’s take him again,” the boy said.

The girl turned on him, her voice shrill. “What?”

“We can share,” he continued, insistent. “He was good, so good. He was so vocal. I’ve never heard someone scream like that before.”

The girl smiled wickedly and licked her lips. “I suppose we could do that.”

Audrey drew her gun, leveling it at them. “Stop right there. You’re not going to touch him.”

“Spoilsport,” the girl said. She kicked the empty coffee cup. “We could share with you too.”

“Do you smoke?” the boy asked. “I’d love to carve him up, burn him, so he never forgets who the last one to touch him was.”

“Turn around and get in your car,” Audrey ordered.

“Come on, you're not going to shoot us,” the girl said. “We're unarmed civilians.”

Audrey fired off a shot into the pavement.

Rapists—even and perhaps especially faux-rapists—were cowards. The pair took off immediately, squealing, their food forgotten. Audrey waited until they were safely out of the parking lot, the worn tires of their car leaving streaks of burned rubber on the asphalt, before hurrying back to the Rover. Duke had heaved Nathan onto the front bench seat and gotten himself behind the wheels. Nathan was still squirming, whimpering, his hands clenching into fists and toes curling inside his boots. Duke looked on with concern, but didn't know what to do to help.

Audrey jumped in beside them, adjusting Nathan's body to make space for herself, and Duke peeled out just as the first waitress was coming to investigate the sound of gunfire. She yelled something lewd and mean at them as they left.

XXX

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	3. Friend/Assailant

“Rape is about violence, not sex. If a person hits you with a spade, you wouldn't call it gardening.” – Unknown

XXX

Audrey shifted Nathan on her lap as Haven's main street whipped by outside Duke's windows. She wiped the dregs of hot coffee off his face with her sleeve. His skin was red and tight, scalded. At least he couldn't feel it. Even with Audrey touching him, he wasn't coming out of his flashback. His fingers closed around hers and squeezed tightly, her bones grinding with the pressure, but she let him hold on.

“Do you have water in here?” Audrey asked Duke.

He fished around and passed her a bottle. It wasn't cold, but it was cooler than Nathan's seared skin. She poured some onto a handkerchief that she found in the glove compartment and set about patting the hot coffee off Nathan's face. She pressed the cool water to his skin, hoping the redness would abate. Nathan thrashed in her arms, his brow wrinkling and his mouth working. He looked about to scream, but no sound came out. It was all pantomime of assault, right down to the bruises without being hit.

“It's lasting longer,” Duke observed.

“Maybe because there were two of them,” Audrey suggested lamely.

They were almost back to the Gull by the time Nathan came out of his fugue. Panting, he stared up at Audrey uncomprehendingly for a moment.

She gently brushed some sweat-soaked hair out of his eyes. “Hey,” she said. “Welcome back.”

Nathan sat up, his limbs all at once numb and tingling. He could still feel phantom hands on his—no, not his, her—body. The man had been raping her, moving inside her, stretching and tearing, while the woman just watched and smoked. He hadn't had much chance to learn anything else. The pain had consumed all.

“Did you find anything else out?” Audrey asked, trying to draw him out of the memory further.

“Nothing we didn't already know. She's near the bay. I still don't know if it's in a boat or a warehouse,” Nathan admitted. He winced as Audrey helped him into a sitting position. He imagined his tattered skin pulling. “He bit her. Are there teeth marks on me? Maybe we could cast them.”

Audrey tugged aside the neck of Nathan's borrowed shirt and ran her thumb over a large hickey that had manifested on the side of his neck. He shuddered under her touch. “I don't think so. It doesn't look like it actually broke the skin.”

“Damn,” Nathan muttered.

“Now what?” Duke asked as he pulled into the parking lot. “We could just start knocking on doors.”

“We can't do that,” Nathan interrupted. “We risk scaring them off. What if they take her with them?”

“We need more information,” Audrey said. “Maybe we can try the station or Vince and Dave again. There has to be something, some record of this happening before.”

Nathan shook his head. “There isn't going to be anything like that. It was... it was her first time.”

Audrey didn't want to ask how he knew that, but Nathan told her anyway.

“They were talking about it, about the blood, about how tight she was.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I was right there with her. I could feel everything, the pain, her fear and humiliation.”

“Nathan,” Audrey tried to console him, but he pulled away from her touch.

“Don't,” he said softly. “They said how old she was, Audrey.”

“Wait!” Duke protested. “Let me get out. I don't want to know. It's bad enough I thought that I did it to you, but to think that it was really a kid. I can't. I can't.” Duke charged out of the Rover and stood near the Gull, his arms folded tightly over his chest and his face turned into the breeze.

Audrey watched him and then turned back to Nathan. “What do you want to do?”

“I noticed something,” Nathan said. “These flashbacks, they aren't coming in any particular order. I also don't think they're being triggered by the people that see me. I think... it's all what I hear or see. It's stimulus. That guy was talking about how he came to find me—I mean, her—and so that's what I remembered.”

“Maybe, somehow, we can trigger the memory of how and where she was taken,” Audrey said thoughtfully. “Then we could help her. But how do we...?”

Nathan met her eyes and his blue gaze was luminous.

“Oh no,” Audrey whispered.

“You saw what happened,” Nathan said to her urgently. “It was out of control. We need to do this in a controlled environment so that you can keep me safe.”

“Nathan, I can't. You can't ask me to—”

He took her hand, his thumb rasping over her knuckles. “Listen, I'm not asking you to... When it comes down to it, this girl is out there and she needs our help. So long as her Trouble is active, we might be the only ones who can help her, who can find her, who can get her out of this. Her Trouble, maybe it chose me for a reason.”

Audrey looked at Nathan's sweet face, at the hideous bruise around his eye and the split in his mouth. “Why?” she breathed.

“Because I can't feel any of it,” he said softly. “When I'm remembering, I feel it then, but all this,” he gestured to his face and body, “I don't feel any of it. Now, we have to help her.”

“Nathan,” she protested.

However, Nathan wasted no more time. He climbed out Duke's side of the Rover and marched up to the Gull. He climbed the wooden steps and disappeared from sight, presumably waiting upstairs for Audrey to gather herself and let him into her locked apartment. Audrey sucked in a deep breath and climbed out too. At least there wasn't another Troubled person waiting to accost them.

Duke turned to face her. “What was that?”

“Nathan has an idea, a crazy one,” Audrey told him.

Duke started to follow her, his boots crunching the paving stones.

“You don't have to follow us,” Audrey offered to Duke. “I know this is hard on you. Just go back to the Cape Rouge. You'll know when this is all over.”

“I can't just leave,” Duke insisted. “You don't know what it’s like to have those memories rolling around inside your head, to think you were capable of something so horrible.” He stared down at his hands and then rubbed some invisible stain onto his jeans with a shaking breath.

Audrey spied Nathan, standing near the door with his arms crossed over his chest like a shield. “Yeah, well, I'm about to know,” she muttered. She produced her key and let them all in, bolting the door behind them and making sure everything was secure. When she finished, she returned to where she had left Nathan and Duke in the kitchen. Duke had pulled out the leftovers from the fridge, helping himself to cold coffee and pancakes.

Nathan turned to face her. “How do you want to do this?”

“I don't,” Audrey said before she could stop herself. “I don't want to hurt you, Nathan.”

Duke paused mid-leftover-pancake. “Do what?”

“All the flashbacks I'm getting are out of order,” Nathan explained. The tendons stood out on his forearms as he squeezed himself tightly and the bands of raw flesh on his wrists were inflamed. “It's being triggered by what everyone says to or about me. I told Audrey if she can trigger the moments in order, maybe we could figure out where the girl is being kept. We can save her.”

Duke swallowed with difficulty. The pancake, though delicious, had turned to sand in his mouth. “Trigger the memories?”

The fine muscle in Nathan's jaw twitched.

“He wants me to pretend to rape him,” Audrey murmured.

Nathan turned to face her. “You wouldn't be raping me, Audrey. I'm asking you to do this. You have my consent,” he said.

Duke choked in earnest.

Nathan shot him a look. “Besides, what does it matter if it saves this girl's life? We can deal with whatever happens to me later, okay? Meanwhile, that smoking bitch is burning her to pieces.” Nathan hitched up his t-shirt to show a new line of round burns running up his sternum.

Duke hissed in sympathy.

Audrey steeled herself. “Alright, fine,” she relented. “But only if you promise you'll tell me to stop if it's too much.”

“It won't be too much,” Nathan told her.

“That wasn't a promise,” Audrey said, even though she could already tell Nathan was going to push this through to the end no matter how much it hurt him. She resolved herself to forcing him to talk to her when this was all over. After all, she didn't have a better idea and, with the escalation of abuse showing on Nathan's body, a girl's life was on the line.

“I promise,” Nathan agreed, though nothing had changed in his face. “Duke, you should go.”

“No way,” he said.

She let out her breath. “Duke, please,” she said. “I can't ask you to help with this. When you thought what you did to Nathan was real, you were really upset.”

Duke didn't argue with that. Instead, he told Audrey, “Well, it's about to be real for you and I'm not letting you go through that alone—either of you.”

“It's not real,” Nathan said firmly. “Audrey's not going to rape me, not really.”

“I'm right here,” Audrey protested. “Don't talk like I'm not here.”

“You're not going to hurt me, Audrey,” Nathan repeated. It sounded more like he was trying to make himself believe it.

“Even so,” Duke said firmly, “I'm staying.”

“How should we start?” Audrey ventured in the awkward silence that followed.

“Take me,” Nathan told her. “Make like you're kidnapping me.”

Audrey sucked in a breath. “How do you think it happened?”

“I think the smoking woman is the one who took her,” Nathan said. “She might have been able to lure her away, but I doubt it.”

Audrey rolled her shoulders and steeled herself. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she directed Nathan to face away from her and kneel down on the plush living room rug to accommodate their height differences, especially if the girl was as young as he was leading her to believe. In a smooth motion that was part self-defense, part self-preservation, Audrey locked one forearm over Nathan's throat and her hand over his mouth to muffle a scream. He grabbed her arm, struggling, but the resistance was token.

“It isn't working,” Nathan mumbled from under her hand after a moment of play-struggling. “I know you're not going to hurt me.”

“I can't really hurt you, Nathan,” Audrey murmured. She loosened her arms around him. “I can't.”

Nathan regarded her, his blue eyes deep and fathomless. “You're the only one who can.”

She sucked in air.

“Hit me,” Nathan asked. “Just once. If it doesn't work, we'll try something else, I promise.”

Audrey drew her hand back and then slapped him—too lightly.

“Parker,” he ground out. “Draw some blood.”

She looked down at the black bruise on his face, his eye swollen and occluded with blood. Such a blow would have easily knocked out a young girl and wouldn't really hurt someone like Nathan, especially once she stopped touching him, but... “I can't,” she said finally.

Nathan turned on his knees. “Duke?”

Duke held up his hands, backing away. “Man, you know I'd love to hit you. It's one of my favorite past times, but not like this,” he protested. “You've always had it coming when I've hit you.” The words, though said in jest, once they came out of Duke's mouth, he looked as though he had tasted poison.

“Pretend I have it coming,” Nathan insisted. His lower lip trembled for a moment before he pressed it flat.

Duke winced, face screwing up and naked palms shining in the low light.

“I'll say something bad about your mother,” Nathan added.

Duke gave a little snort, but it was all posturing. “That's weak, even for you.”

“Duke,” Nathan protested. “This girl's life is on the line.”

Audrey couldn't take it anymore. She just wanted this to be over. She wanted to coddle Nathan, to take away all his pain, but that wasn't going to happen until they had cleared up this Trouble and rescued this girl. Reaching deep for a personality that was nothing like her own, she rolled out a sick sultry voice, “Hey, sweet thing.”

Duke's eyes widened.

Nathan turned to face her, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

Audrey trilled her voice, purring. “I'd like to take you for a ride,” she snarled. “How about it, w-whore? I'll ride you hard and put you away wet.”

Nathan's eyes flashed, a flicker of fear, but it wasn't enough. Memories weren't coming.

Audrey hauled back and punched him right in his bruise, playing it out the way they could only assume it had happened. Her knuckles popped with the force.

Instantly, Nathan crumpled to the floor. It was enough to trigger the memories of the kidnapping. He writhed on the floor, mouth open in a silent scream. His back arched, muscles and joints snapping. Audrey quickly held his head on her lap so he wouldn't hurt himself, cupping his face between her palms. Duke stood over them both, gnawing on his finger nervously. Watching Nathan in clear distress and agony felt like it lasted forever. Then, he curled in on himself, winding his arms around his legs to make a small target of his body. He lay like that for a moment, poised, listening.

Then, he breathed in shakily and his eyes flickered open. He curled into Audrey's lap, focusing on the warmth of her skin and the sensation of her hands running soothingly through his hair and down the back of his neck. He only wished someone like Audrey was with the poor girl. He took a moment to breathe deeply, relishing Audrey's warm gentle touch after the pain that had roared through his skull. His throbbing heart slowed. Finally, he forced himself to sit up and Audrey supported him, her hands on his back.

“They snatched her from the high school,” Nathan told them.

“Maybe we can interview witnesses—” Audrey began.

Nathan shook his head. “Remember the Trouble? Everyone is going to either think she had it coming or think they did it. We don't have that kind of time.”

Audrey helped Nathan to his feet. His face looked worse, his eye more swollen where she had hit him the second time.

“I need more,” he said urgently. “The smoking woman threw her in the trunk with a bag over her head. I couldn’t see the car. I think the man must have met them wherever they are now, maybe the woman found him walking the dock. I need to look around inside the warehouse she’s in now. Something about it has to tell me where she's being kept.”

“Nathan, please.”

“Tie me up,” he said directly.

“Nathan—”

Nathan grasped Audrey's shoulders and gave her a little shake. “I promise we'll talk about this later, okay? Please, we have to do this now.”

Audrey relented and followed him into her bedroom.

Duke lingered in the threshold, looking as lost as Audrey felt.

Nathan lay down on her bed and spread his limbs, wrists and ankles near the posts of the bed frame. Audrey hesitated, staring down at him, torn between her fear for the girl and her concern for Nathan. He gazed at her, blue eyes bloodshot but earnest. She went to her closet and pulled out a few scarves, choosing the softest ones she had. Nathan's wrists and ankles were rubbed raw and she didn't want to make them worse. Her hands shook as she bound the scarves around his limbs. She sat down on the bed beside his hip, waiting, her eyes burning and her breath coming shallow.

Nothing happened.

“Audrey,” Nathan said softly. He turned his head to look at her, vision blurred on the side where he had been hit. “You have to do something to me.”

“Nathan, I can't—I can't.”

“Cut my clothes off,” Nathan said to her. “Do it.”

Audrey wiped her eyes and whirled from the bed, unable to look at Nathan bound spread-eagle like a toy.

Duke intercepted her. “Hey,” he offered and pulled a pocketknife from his jeans. “I can do it.”

Audrey stopped dead, absorbing his expression, and took the knife from him. “No, I've got it,” she assured him. She couldn't ask Duke to help, not after everything he had been through. He had already thought it was real, already thought himself capable of raping his enemy-turned-friend. He had already cried. No, she couldn't ask him to play this horror out for real. It was too cruel. She returned to Nathan's side and ran the blade tantalizingly along his cheekbone.

He hissed, arching away from the sharp point. There was fear in his face again, the edges of memories dragging him back into the depths, but it wasn't enough. It was never enough. Audrey made a slit in the neck of his shirt and then violently tore it open. Nathan bowed off the bed, muscles and veins standing out. He strained against the scarves, fingers curling into fists. Without the shirt protecting him, Audrey could see a variety of small cuts and scrapes decorating his chest that hadn't been there that morning. The girl's situation was getting worse.

Nathan sagged suddenly, panting. “More, Audrey, m-more. I can a-almost see it. On the broken crate, th-there's an address,” he gasped. His voice was hoarse, strained, as though he had spent hours screaming. “T-touch me. Hurt me—do it. I can feel them t-touching her.”

Audrey laid her hand on his chest. Nathan's skin was cold and clammy, on fire where his blood flowed. She rested her shaking hand for a moment but couldn't bring herself to dig her nails into his many wounds. It would be easy, maybe too easy. How could she do it?

“Hurt m-me,” he insisted. “I'm s-so close.”

Audrey pressed her thumb to his cracked rib. Her eyes burned, the sight of Nathan's battered body and agonized expression blurring with tears that she couldn’t allow to fall.

He cried out, the little sound of suffering going through her like a bullet.

All at once, it was as though everything crashed over Nathan like a tidal wave. For the first time, he screamed. His head thrashed back into the pillows, the column of his throat straining as he howled in anguish. Audrey's bed frame groaned as he pulled against the makeshift restraints. A new burn appeared on his face, blooming right at the corner of his eye. Tears streamed down his face, streaking through his hair and darkening the pillow.

With Duke's knife, Audrey hacked through all the scarves and clambered onto the bed, uncertain if she should try to hold him down as he seized or give him space. The decision was made for her when Nathan rolled towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He dug his face into her, gasping and whimpering. It was all Audrey could do just to hold him. She tried not to cry, tried to swallow the tears, but the sight of her partner's pain finally brought her to the brink. She doubled over him, rocking him, shushing him, cradling him against her.

Duke paced closer, but lingered by the side of the bed with his arms folded tight around himself.

Slowly, painful inch-by-inch, Nathan emerged from the nightmarish memories. His breath went from ragged to steady and then he stopped sobbing. He eased away from Audrey and dried his face with his hand. There was a second and third burn on either side of his mouth, but at least he couldn't feel them. Audrey gasped.

“I know where she is,” Nathan said with relief.

Audrey mopped her face, started to touch the wound near Nathan's eye, and withdrew before she could hurt him. “Let's go.”

This time, they piled into the police cruiser and tore through Haven with the sirens roaring. Audrey didn't call for backup. As long as this Trouble was activated, she didn't want to risk other officers only making it worse. She didn't know what she would do if one more person hurt Nathan or made the Troubled girl’s fears worse. Before she could second guess her choices, they were in front of the warehouse address that Nathan had seen on the broken crate.

Audrey checked her service weapon. Duke had his Glock and his knife, but he didn't look in any condition to use either.

“Duke, you should stay here with Nathan,” Audrey said.

Duke's eyes widened, “What? N-no! I'm coming with you!”

“I'm coming too!” Nathan protested. “You aren't leaving me here. You need all the backup you can get.”

Audrey couldn't exactly protest. She knew there were at least two people in there—the smoking woman and the man. Both were a serious threat, if not to them than to the girl. She pulled her spare pistol from her ankle holster and gave it to Nathan. He weighed it in his hand and then gave her a nod.

“Okay,” she said. “Let's go.”

Duke and Nathan piled out of the cruiser behind her. She felt secure in the knowledge that they had her back. Usually, they would have split up to secure the warehouse, but she didn't want either of them out of her sight. She circled the building with them, peeking in the first-floor windows. Only one had a tiny strip of exposure through which she could see the girl and her captors. The man was rutting like an animal, completely naked, while the woman watched. Audrey could see the flare of her cigarette. The girl looked like Nathan had, her wrists and ankles bound, her limbs spread apart like a shattered doll.

Audrey’s throat tightened but she swallowed. “It's just the two of them,” she confirmed. “Let's go. It looks like there's only one way in and out.”

Nathan nodded. He had seen the interior of the warehouse firsthand and didn’t peek through the window.

Duke looked like he was going to be ill if he did.

The trio made their way back to the warehouse door, crouched low and keeping quiet. Audrey hoped that this would be over quickly so long as neither of the rapists realized they had been found until it was too late. She leveled her gun at the lock and fired two shots. It wasn't stealthy, but they didn't have another option. Nathan kicked the door open, stepping in ahead of her while Duke stayed behind them.

“Don't move!” Audrey commanded.

The man didn't listen. He jerked away from the girl and Audrey had a sickening moment of realization that she could see blood splattered all over his crotch. It wasn't his blood—it was the girl's. It may as well have been Nathan's. The man ran at them, screaming, “No! No one will touch her!”

Nathan froze, confronted with essentially his own rapist.

Audrey didn't think. She just acted. She had seen Nathan too hurt, too many times today. All she wanted was to keep him safe. She squeezed off a shot, taking out the rapist's knee. He went down with a howl, weeping and clutching himself. Audrey kicked him aside, putting herself between him and Nathan. Duke came up at her side, standing as if he could form a human wall.

The woman stepped into a shaft of light with her hands raised in surrender. Then, without warning, she crouched down and stubbed out her cigarette.

The girl screamed, arching off the filthy floor, as the cigarette seared into her flesh in a hideous circle. Her beaten body was exposed, her unseeing eyes fixed on the swinging light, and her blood was splattered all over the dusty floor. Her white limbs looked like porcelain, cracked and aching. Used condoms were knotted all around her. She was so young, maybe fourteen or sixteen.

An identical burn appeared on Nathan's cheekbone, but his expression didn’t change.

“Step away from the girl,” Audrey demanded. “I will shoot you.”

“I don't doubt it,” the woman said. “But you know, she had it coming. The little bitch... she wanted to sleep with my new husband.”

Horror clogged Audrey's throat. She could see the resemblance between the woman and the girl—the same button nose, the same chin, the same almond-shaped eyes. She had heard this story too many times in her years of foster care. It was sick and it was horrible. Her lungs tightened around the urge to scream. She jerked the cuffs from her waist and advanced, trusting Nathan to hold the woman in place.

“Put your hands on the wall,” Audrey demanded.

The woman did without protest.

Audrey cuffed her roughly, catching her tight around the elbow.

Duke was just staring, revolted, his gun still trained on the weeping naked man.

Nathan stuffed his weapon into the waistband of his jeans and quickly jerked off the sweater Duke had given him to cover up. Bare-chested, he bent over the girl and swathed her in the soft fabric. His identical injuries stood out horribly, bruises and handprints, so much cruelty on white skin. Duke just stared while Audrey bustled the woman out to the cruiser, stuffed her in the backseat, and fetched a second pair of cuffs for the man. She radioed for two ambulances and back up, careful not to mention anything to Laverne so she didn't have to hear the venom of the Trouble.

Audrey returned, cuffed the man, and left him writhing facedown on the filthy floor.

“Duke!” Nathan hissed and held his hand out. “Knife.”

Duke jolted into action, holstering his Glock and cutting the girl's wrists and ankles free carefully. He was mindful not to touch her—he didn’t think he could bear to know what her skin really felt like. It was bad enough that he knew how Nathan’s felt, how Nathan’s voice sounded when he screamed and cried, how Nathan looked with his face twisted in anguish.

The girl didn’t seem to notice either of them, her tear-filled eyes fixed on the swinging light. The toned muscles of Nathan’s back moved beneath his battered skin as he gently shifted the girl’s limbs closer to her body. It seemed alright for Nathan to touch her. Duke supposed they had been through the same things. Duke could see the tread of work boots on Nathan, on the girl, on the dusty floor. He couldn’t take it. He shrugged out of his flannel shirt and draped it over Nathan's naked back.

Audrey secured the rapist and quickly came to kneel at Nathan's side, giving his hand a comforting squeeze and then taking girl's pulse.

The girl blinked, her dark eyes swimming back into focus at Audrey’s soft touch. “It’s you,” she breathed and tried to sit up, clutching Duke’s soft sweater to her bare breasts. She folded her legs close, trembling all over, as her eyes darted to the crumpled form of her assailant. At least her mother was locked safely in the backseat of the cruiser, but Audrey wasn’t about to carry the naked man out. He and his shot knee could wait for paramedics to arrive.

“Hey,” Audrey said gently. She drew the girl’s attention away from them. “I'm with the police. I'm here to help you.”

“Help me?” she whispered. “You don't... think I deserved it?”

“No, no, sweetie, never,” Audrey assured her.

The girl's watery eyes darted to the open door, dangling from one broken hinge from the force of Nathan’s kick. “Mom said that I did. She said—”

“She was lying,” Nathan interrupted, unable to help himself. “None of this is your fault. You didn't deserve any of it.”

The girl searched his face, a mirror of her own injuries, and must have found some answer in his expression. She nodded shakily.

Audrey blocked Duke’s line of sight with her body as she pulled the sweater fully over the girl's head. “An ambulance will be here soon, okay? What's your name?”

“Tessa,” she murmured. She latched on to Audrey’s hands. “I-I hoped you would save me.”

“Me?” Audrey repeated, gently gripping the girl’s fingers.

Tessa nodded. “You came and spoke at my school. You said you'd been in foster care and I know that... can be bad. I thought, if anyone could help me, you could.” Her eyes flickered to Nathan's bruised face, his swollen eye and split lip, the boot- and handprints on his exposed torso visible through the halves of Duke’s flannel. “But... why are you hurt like me?”

Audrey took a deep breath. “Tessa, you've heard about the Troubles, right?”

Tessa worried the identical wound in her lip and then nodded. “Is that what I did? My Trouble did that to him?”

Nathan gripped her hand. “Don't worry,” he assured her. “I have a Trouble of my own. I can't feel any of it. Besides, your Trouble helped us find you. It's okay.”

Tessa let out her breath slowly, quivering.

Outside, the whine of sirens approached.

Duke paced nervously between them, glancing out the door. “I sure hope the Trouble is gone,” he said, “or else this is about to get really ugly.”

Audrey turned back towards Tessa and Nathan, her heart pounding. Relief surged through her when she saw that the marks were slowly fading from Nathan's skin, leaving him unblemished if not pale. She only wished Tessa could heal just as easily. The poor girl would have scars for the rest of her life.

Tessa tugged the sleeves down over her hands, staring into her lap. “Thank you,” she whispered, “for saving me.”

Nathan looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t know what.

Stan arrived first, taking in the scene with a critical and practiced eye. He saw Nathan and hesitated, face growing chalky, before he schooled himself and set to work. Part of Audrey wished he could forget his crass behavior, but part of her knew that going through his would leave an impact on him. He would always be more compassionate to rape victims now, knowing what he knew and doing what he had done under the influence of Tessa’s Trouble. His guilt gave Audrey hope that others would never have the same fear Tessa had.

The paramedics bundled the crying rapist into one ambulance, a cop escorting him. The second team entered and immediately saw to Tessa. They wrapped her in a blanket and helped her up. She limped to the ambulance, glancing over her shoulder to smile gratefully at them one more time before vanishing into the bright sunlight.

Audrey peeked at Nathan, a strip of his torso visible through the open buttons of Duke's borrowed shirt. There was no sign of his injuries anymore and for that she was grateful.

Duke slithered over to them, looking a different sort of nervous now that the warehouse was flooded with police. Without his flannel, he looked thin in his tank top. He scrutinized Nathan and then raked a hand through his hair. “Do you think everyone remembers? You know, what they said or thought they did?”

“Do you remember, Duke?” Audrey asked.

Duke's gaze flicked over Nathan and then down with shame. “Every second.”

Audrey touched his arm. “It wasn't you, Duke,” she said gently.

Nathan pushed his arms through the sleeves and buttoned up. “I remember too,” he said.

Part of Audrey wished that they could all forget as easily as the scars had disappeared from Nathan's skin. However, part of her knew that it was good that they would remember. It would be beneficial in the long run to have understanding and empathy for people who were similarly assaulted. Yet, as she looked at Nathan and Duke, she wished she could wipe the pain from their faces.

“Hey,” she said gently. “Let's get back to the Gull, okay?”

Duke nodded mechanically and turned to leave, snaking his way through the cops like a shadow.

Nathan followed and everyone parted around him like the Red Sea, eyes averted guiltily. If Audrey had any more doubts about their memories, they were abated at the sight. For her part, Audrey stayed close to him, supporting and protecting him the way she wished someone had been able to be there for Tessa.

Stan danced on his toes outside, his face drawn with emotion. “Nathan, Audrey, I'm so sor—”

Audrey silenced him with a look. “Later, okay?” she said.

Stan swallowed his tongue and offered her a set of familiar keys. “We recovered the Bronco not far from the station. I drove it here for you.”

Relief sliced through Audrey. At least she didn't have to worry about Nathan's missing truck any longer. It also explained how he had arrived at the station with his boots unlaced and blood all over him without being noticed or hurting himself further. She took the keys with a word of thanks, glancing back to see the ambulance with Tessa in it pull away. Her mother was still in the police car and the rapist was cuffed to his stretcher. It was over—at least this part was.

XXX

So, in case someone needs further explanation, Tessa's Trouble makes all people of authority—police, doctors, media—blame the victim. Everyone not in a position of power—Duke and other citizens—thinks they perpetrated the rape. It's my personal headcanon that Tessa's Trouble was trying to affect Audrey, but since Audrey's immune, it jumped to Nathan instead.

Questions, comments, concerns?


	4. Aftershock

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King Jr

XXX

Nathan climbed in the front seat of the Bronco and Duke gave a token protest about having to ride in the back. Audrey heaved herself behind the wheel and drove them all back to the Grey Gull. The rumble of the Bronco's engine was familiar and comforting. Nathan tipped his head back against the seat, shut his eyes, and let out a sigh. Duke stared out the window, fiddling idly with a loose string on the back of the bench seat. Audrey gripped the wheel with cold fingers, her skin trembling.

The sun had broken through the clouds, painting Haven a warm butter-yellow that made it seem there wasn’t a trouble to be had.

As Audrey pulled into the Gull’s parking lot, she realized it was just after lunch. So much had happened in so little time, it seemed impossible. Audrey parked the cruiser beside Duke’s Rover again and shut off the ignition. She took time uncurling each finger from the steering wheel. “Duke, Nathan?” she said lightly. “We’re here.”

Duke turned his attention away from the string, his finger red where he had wrapped it tightly. His features were lined with exhaustion.

Nathan opened his eyes but otherwise didn’t move. “You didn’t have to bring me back here,” he said to Audrey. “You could drop me off at my house.”

Audrey pushed open her door and hopped down. The gravel of the parking lot crunched under her boots. “Not a chance. I’m not letting you out of my sight.” She smiled at him cheerfully to take the edge of bitter truth from her words. She didn’t want him to know how worried she really was about his mind after today’s ordeal. She knew he couldn’t feel the physicality of it, but that made his emotions and heart all the more tender for his hardened exterior.

Nathan must have known she wasn’t going to let him go or else he just didn’t want to admit that he wanted to stay with her. Either way, he opened the door and climbed out without further protest.

Duke heaved himself out of the backseat. “I can’t believe it’s only lunchtime.”

“Are you hungry?” Audrey asked.

“How could I eat after that?” Duke said painfully.

Audrey followed Nathan as he climbed the steps to her apartment. “How about you? What’s the last thing you remember eating?”

“Pancakes,” Nathan said. He grinned at her.

“Before that,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

Nathan was quiet for a moment, hesitant. “Chinese,” he said finally, “after the case Friday night.”

Audrey's heart clenched and she asked lowly, “Did you eat anything all weekend?”

Nathan shrugged. “I can't remember. I guess not.”

“I’ll make some soup,” Audrey told him. “You should eat something.”

Duke followed them upstairs mechanically and stood to one side while Audrey unlocked the door. The lamps were still burning from their hasty departure that morning. Nathan headed inside, weaving through the warm apartment, and Audrey saw the line of his shoulders relax only slightly. Duke didn’t follow Nathan. He loitered outside, shuffling from foot to foot with his hands slouched deep in his pockets.

“Duke?” Audrey asked, hand resting on the open door. “Do you want to come in?”

Duke jolted and took a few steps back. “No, no,” he said too quickly. “You should take care of Nathan now. I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure? I've been told that I make a mean chicken soup,” Audrey said to him, leaving the offer on the table without throwing it at him.

He shuffled his feet, unwilling to meet her gaze. “Okay,” he relented. “But I’m leaving after that.”

“Whatever you like,” Audrey said. She closed the door behind them and locked it.

Nathan perched on the kitchen barstool, resting his cheek on his hand with his eyes half-shut. He watched Audrey begin bustling around, pulling ingredients out of the fridge and setting water to boil. After a moment of awkwardly pacing, Duke joined them in the kitchen.

“Can I help?” Duke offered to Audrey.

“No thanks,” she told him. “I've got it. Sit down. Try to relax.” She started browning some chicken breasts with garlic, humming to herself as she flipped and prepped. She diced celery and carrots, putting them aside in a small bowl. She lingered on the onion, worried that if she started crying, she wouldn't be able to stop, but the soup wouldn't taste the same without it.

Duke made to sit beside Nathan at the counter, hesitated with his fingers clutching the back in a white-knuckled grip, and then took the stool furthest from Nathan.

Nathan glanced over at him, suddenly hyperaware that he was wearing Duke's flannel shirt and jeans with nothing else underneath. He was grateful that he couldn't feel the fabric lying against his skin. It would be too intimate, too weird, too uncomfortable after they day they'd had.

“Can I help?” Nathan offered to distract himself.

“Sure,” she said. “Taste this?” Audrey pulled out the cooked chicken and shredded it. She held a bite out to Nathan on a fork.

Nathan didn't take the fork, simply leaned forward and nipped up the morsel. “Could use a little salt,” he told her.

Audrey scooped up a second piece and offered it to Duke.

Duke's stomach tightened, the faux-memory of the taste of Nathan's blood on his lips taking over. He declined with a wave of his hand.

Audrey couldn't put it off any longer. She diced the onion, sniffling as her eyes welled. She swallowed the lump in her throat, forcing herself not to break down just yet. There would be time enough for that later, after she saw to Duke and Nathan. Wiping her eyes with a paper towel, she dumped everything into the bubbling pot of chicken stock. She seasoned it heartily with fresh black pepper and spices. She washed her hands and set the skillet from the chicken to soak.

Nathan and Duke were both quiet, watching her cook the way someone might watch mindless television. She could see that Duke was still upset, but Nathan was harder to read. She imagined he couldn't feel okay after everything that had happened.

Setting forth a plan, Audrey put on the kettle and took out three mismatched mugs. She dropped in black teabags, spoonfuls of sweet honey, and then a hefty shot of whiskey. The scent of tea and chicken soup filled the apartment. It felt warm and homely, smoothing the jangly edges of Audrey's ragged nerves. She rummaged through the cabinets, hoping for a secret box of Girl Scout Cookies, but found only an off-brand selection. The kettle whistled and she poured out the hot water, steam curling in front of her face.

Audrey set the mugs of boozy tea in front of them along with a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

Duke gripped his hard, so she wouldn’t see his hands shaking.

Nathan palmed his mug and breathed deep, soaking up the smell more so than the heat or the comfort of his seat. Audrey cupped her hands around Nathan's, fitting her fingers between his so that they were both holding the warm mug. He breathed in sharply, the heat sinking into his bones with her touch bringing his skin to life. He smiled softly at her.

She pulled away after a moment, stirring her bubbling soup and sipping her own tea.

Nathan didn't want to admit that he felt cold and bare without her, like a ship with its sails torn and the shore out of sight. To hide his nerves, he sipped his tea. It was warm inside his chest, sweet all the way down, soothing an ache he hadn't realized had bloomed in his throat from screaming.

Duke had a cookie. The liquor and sugar brought him back to life. His hands stopped trembling and the band around his ribs finally loosened. He took what felt like his first deep breath since he walked through town, hearing people say terrible things about Nathan and realizing that he thought he had raped his not-quite-friend.

“Better?” Audrey asked them.

“Much,” Duke agreed since there was no point in lying.

Nathan sipped his tea but couldn’t bring himself to eat. “Yeah,” he lied.

Audrey’s gaze picked over him. “Claire is going to be busy this week,” she remarked.

Duke bobbed his head. “I should hope so. This was not an easy Trouble to get through—and it shouldn't be.”

Audrey smiled and patted his hand. “Have another cookie,” she said.

Duke took one, munching until the little wrinkle between his brow abated.

“Are you okay, Audrey?” Nathan asked.

She helped herself a cookie. “I’m fine,” she assured him. “It sucks to put it this way, but I—I mean, Audrey Parker—already went through all this in foster care. Her foster father was molesting another girl and Audrey stabbed him in the neck. It’s seriously messed up, but I’m okay.”

Duke’s knuckles whitened around his mug.

Nathan stretched out a hand and Audrey let him take it. Unspoken, what he had asked her to do to him fell between them. Her throat tightened, eyes welling with tears that she quickly blinked away. She smiled reassuringly at Nathan, her smile just as much a lie as his earlier agreement. They both knew it.

Audrey stirred the soup again and refilled everyone’s mugs, holding back the liquor this time to Duke’s chagrin. She found a loaf of Italian bread in the fridge, sliced it, buttered it, and put it in the oven to toast. She ladled out bowls of soup and then put the warm bread out on a tray between them. She tasted the soup for Nathan and instructed him to give it a minute to cool.

“Dig in,” she said as she took her seat between them.

Duke spooned up some soup, blowing on it. “This is delicious.”

“You can eat now, Nathan,” Audrey said. “It should be cool enough.”

Nathan moaned quietly when the first taste exploded on his tongue. Audrey’s soup was delicious and he hadn’t realized just how empty his stomach was. He forced himself to eat slowly, savoring each taste, so he wouldn’t make himself ill. He had a slice of bread, enjoying the salty melted butter and the crunch.

Duke had no such qualms and ladled up a second bowl. “This is great,” he told Audrey. He looked light-years better now that he had eaten. Some color came back into his cheeks, some light to his eyes, and some strength into his heart.

Audrey helped herself to some soup, picking around the celery and seeking out extra carrots. “I’m glad you like it.”

Duke allowed himself a moment to look at Nathan, to memorize his unmarked face and visible skin. He repeated to himself that it wasn’t real—it hadn’t really happened. Duke Crocker had never thought himself a man capable of rape and that hadn’t changed. However, the memory—the phantom feelings and thoughts—of Nathan spread beneath him, screaming and crying, made him a little more aware. He vowed to pay more attention to his customers in the Gull, to make sure they felt safe there, to watch the drunk or handsy people. That wasn’t enough, but it was something he could do. He pushed away from the bar and Audrey tracked him.

“You okay, Duke?”

“I’m good,” he assured her. “Thanks for the soup and the drink. Call me if you need me, but I going to head downstairs to the Gull.”

Audrey caught his wrist. “You sure?”

“Positive,” he said.

Audrey walked Duke to the door, lingering with him for a moment.

“You’ll take care of him, right?” Duke asked in a low voice. His eyes flicked to Nathan worriedly. “I mean, I know he’s playing it tough, but those memories, even if they didn’t really happen, still suck.”

“Of course,” Audrey said.

“Just… let me know if you need something.”

“Same to you, Duke,” Audrey said. She squeezed his wrist. “If you need anything...”

Duke glanced at Nathan again, taking in the line of his back and recalling the boot prints that had faded like a bad dream once they rescued Tessa. “I'm okay,” he told Audrey. “I'm more worried about Nathan, but there's nothing I can do for him.”

Audrey nodded in agreement. “Don't worry,” she told Duke. “I've got him.

Duke hugged Audrey briefly, unable to bear the contact, and then stepped out. He lingered until he heard her lock the door. Then, he sucked in a deep breath, raked a hand through his hair, put on a brave face, and headed down into the Grey Gull. He had a feeling there would be a few people there, getting their drink on even though it was only lunchtime. Everyone had things they'd rather forget, especially today. Tomorrow, Claire Callahan would probably find all these people nursing their hangovers and conflicting feelings in her office. Today, they were Duke’s.

Audrey returned to Nathan's side, sinking onto the barstool beside him.

He polished off a second bowl of soup and then pushed it away.

“Is that enough?” she asked.

“Plenty.”

He rose from his seat and carried the dishes to the sink. He started washing absently, steam wafting up from the faucet.

Audrey adjusted the temperature before he could burn himself.

“Thanks,” he said.

She ladled the soup into a storage container and shifted the pot next to the sink.

Nathan washed it. Audrey dried and put it away. Then, she stood with her back to the counter, studying Nathan. He met her eyes and she would have believed that he was okay if not for the set of his posture and stiff shoulders. It was hard to believe that just a little while ago, his face had been blackened and burned. He looked as he always did, handsome if not a little pale.

Audrey opened her mouth.

“Can we just... not do this now?” Nathan asked before she could speak. “We can talk about it tomorrow. I just... I want to forget for a little while.”

Audrey nodded. “What do you want to do?”

“You can drive me home,” he tried.

She shook her head. “Not happening.”

Nathan sighed. “Watch a movie?”

Audrey nodded in agreement. “Want popcorn?”

“I couldn’t eat another bite,” he said.

Audrey headed into the living room and pulled all the blinds, plunging the room into comforting darkness. The blue light from the TV illuminated her face as it powered on. She removed a black case from the shelf under it and set it on the coffee table for Nathan to pick one. She disappeared into her bedroom and reemerged with a large fuzzy blanket and several pillows. She had changed out of her jeans and into some soft flannel pajamas with a t-shirt.

Nathan looked down at his clothes, borrowed from Duke, naked underneath them, and batted the thought away forcefully. “Is this really all you have, Parker? No action movies?”

She smiled ruefully. “My life is an action movie,” she said. “I don’t need more of that in my down time. Do you want some comfy clothes?”

Nathan thought a moment about what unsettled him more, being naked under Duke’s clothes or Audrey’s? “I’m fine,” he said and passed her his choice.

Though Nathan didn’t feel the heat or the cold, Audrey draped her blanket across his lap and gave him a pillow. “This one? Really?”

“You don’t have my first choice,” he said.

Audrey popped ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ into the player, shut off several lamps so that only one was left burning, and settled herself in beside Nathan. The couch was small. Once she tucked her bare feet up beside her, they were almost touching. She relaxed slowly, uncurling like the petals of a flower. Nathan couldn’t relax and couldn’t focus on the movie. He sat stiffly beside her, booted feet on the floor, braced for a blow that wasn’t coming. Tessa was safe, her Trouble was over, and he was done being assailed by the memories of her assault.

“Nathan?” Audrey murmured.

He turned to look at her, the blanket sliding across his knees when he moved. He was holding the pillow in his fist, knuckles white with strain. However, as he turned to face her, his gaze caught on her bare feet. Her toes were a few inches from his thigh, painted pale blue and curled. He reached for her, sliding his palm against the bottom of her foot. Her skin was cold and she let out a sigh at his touch.

Nathan quickly pulled the blanket over her, around her. His hand skimmed her shoulders, her sides, her arms. He found himself bringing her into him, pulling her close. She came easily, burrowing into his arms and under the blanket. She hugged him tightly, arms circling his back and shoulders. Her hand rested on the bare skin at the back of his neck. The sensation of warm, and soft, and touch—the texture of her skin, the rasp of her calluses, the press of her nails—exploded through him. He let out a shuddering breath.

He hadn’t realized that the memories—the nightmarish touches he had gotten to feel with Tessa’s Trouble—was all he had felt in years save Audrey’s casual caresses. The pain, the degradation, the feelings of helplessness and fear, the dirt and blood on his skin felt seared into his very body. At Audrey’s touch, he felt those memories loosen and slip away like warm water running all over him. He made an involuntary sound, tucking his face into Audrey’s neck and shoulder. His forehead brushed her skin and he felt that too.

“Nathan,” she murmured. She slid her fingers into his hair, shifting his head so that his cheek pressed against her. Her breath plumed against his ear, a whisper of his name.

He shuddered and crushed her to him. Her hands wandered, lighting him on fire everywhere she touched his skin. It was all at once too much and not enough, he wanted more, he wanted less, he ached and burned. He fumbled between them, unfastening the buttons of Duke’s shirt but not removing it completely. He hadn’t felt another person’s touch in so long. It was too much, but he needed it. He needed to erase the feeling of kicks and burns, of abuse and fear, of rape and cruelty. Audrey breathed out, trailing her hand down the edge of his throat and onto his chest. He shivered, oversensitive.

She pressed her palm flat to his chest, right over his heart. She could feel it pounding, throbbing beneath his fevered skin. “Is this okay?”

Nathan let out a ragged sound, shuddering, pulling her tighter to him. “Y-yes.”

They were tangled up on the couch, Audrey in his lap and turned towards him. The blanket dropped from her shoulders, laying across Nathan’s knees. She felt him shift as he toed off his boots. He pulled his legs onto the couch, catching her more thoroughly in his lap and embrace. She let her fingers slide under the shoulder of his shirt, palm trailing along his skin. The light from the movie played eerily over his flesh, leaving pockets of deep shadows or red flame. Unbidden, Audrey thought of what he had looked like tied to her bed with scarves, his broken rib pressing beneath her thumb, his voice pleading for her to hurt him.

A tear slipped down her cheek and splashed on his stomach.

Nathan’s eyes flickered open and he searched her face.

Audrey tried to hide her tears quickly, but they just wouldn’t stop coming. She covered her face with one hand and warded Nathan off with the other.

However, he pushed through her defenses. He cupped her face in his palms, brushing the tears away with his thumbs. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay.”

Audrey didn’t argue. This was supposed to be about Nathan, about helping him, but here she was, crying and making him comfort her. She tried to choke back the tears, swallowing thickly, trying to steady her hands. She gripped Nathan’s shoulders and then found herself cradling his face in her hands. She leaned her forehead against his and he let out a shaky breath. He ran his thumbs over the apple of her cheeks, soaking up the feel of her skin. She closed her eyes and felt his muscles loosen under her hands.

At some point, Audrey dropped her head to his shoulder and he tucked his face into her neck. They shifted, getting more comfortable while keeping as little space between them as possible. Nathan drew the soft blanket around them with one hand and Audrey fit her hand against his ribs. She watched the movie through blurry eyes. Nathan breathed into her hair, the colors of the sky catching in his blue eyes.

When the movie ended, Audrey didn’t want to move, but her bladder insisted she get up. Gently, she extricated herself from Nathan. His hands slid along her body, holding on until he had no choice but to let go. She stepped into the bathroom, washed her face, and relieved herself. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy from crying, but she felt better. She returned and Nathan slipped in, doing the same.

She put in the sequel and made a bag of popcorn, settling herself on the couch to wait for Nathan to return. He came back out, his face clean and his light smile almost reaching his eyes. She half-expected him to take up his previous seat, putting distance between them, but Nathan sank down against her side. His thigh pressed against hers and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, helping himself to the popcorn.

It took Audrey a moment to lean into him, resting her cheek against his chest. She could hear his heart beating, the pulse steady and even against her ear. His bare skin was warm and soft beneath her cheek. He squirmed when she blinked, when her eyelashes tickled his chest, and she couldn’t help but do it again.

Lulled by Nathan’s easy breathing and the steady voices of the movie, she drifted to sleep.

…

Audrey’s kiss was hot and sweet. She tipped Nathan’s head back and delved into him, her palms caging in his cheekbones. He couldn’t help but respond, his tongue sliding out to dance with hers. She made a soft sound, stroking his tongue with hers, licking the corner of his mouth. She nipped his lower lip, the bite of her teeth just this side of painful, not that Nathan was a good judge of severity. It had been so long since he had felt anything. Everything felt like it was the first time, frenzied and new all over again.

He wanted to hold her, to feel the press of her body against his own. He tried to move his arms, tried to pull her close, feel her, caress her. The muscles in his arms strained, unable to move closer, to touch her. He couldn’t move. He tried to break the kiss, to see what was going on, to see why he couldn't touch when he so desperately wanted to.

“Nathan,” she moaned.

She held his face firmly between her hands, her nails biting into his cheeks. Her teeth pressed, harder and deeper. He felt pain, felt his skin give beneath her mouth, tasted his own blood. He cried out, mangling her name, pouring it into her mouth with his blood. He tried to pull his arms in, tried to push her off, tried to shake free. Her kisses were too wet now.

“Stop,” Audrey said firmly. “You wanted me to hurt you, remember? I’m hurting you now.”

He wrestled his face from her hands, pushing through the scratch of her nails. Her teeth dragged against him, ripping the wound on his lip like a beast pulling flesh from bone. Nathan turned his head and saw the restraints. Ropes were knotted around his wrists and ankles, spiraling away into the darkness and disappearing. He could only see so far as Audrey’s couch, everything else was inky blackness.

Audrey pressed down against his crotch, grinding her hips into the erection that bloomed despite the way his head insisted it shouldn’t. The sensation was all too much. He hadn’t felt anything, even pain, in so long. The copper of his blood overwhelmed the scent of her shampoo and skin. He couldn’t taste her any longer. His lip throbbed in time with his heartbeat.

“Mmm, you like this, don’t you?” Audrey teased. Her mouth was red as though she had put on lipstick. “You enjoy it, you little slut.”

All at once, Nathan wasn’t himself anymore. He was Tessa. He felt the sting of broken crates on his back, the burn of ropes around his wrists and ankles, the searing pain unlike anything he had ever felt as his body was forced open to accommodate a cruel chafing rod. He bit into his lip, tasting blood, and his eyes burned.

“Stop,” he pleaded. “Audrey—”

“Oh?” she remarked, stopping the grind against his naked erection. She was suddenly bare as well, her wet core rubbing against him even as he felt himself tear open wider. “You don’t want me?” She tapped her red mouth pensively, his blood dripping down her bare breasts. “That’s fine. You can have him.”

Behind her, Duke materialized from the shadows. He was nude as well, cock standing full and at attention. Nathan didn’t know what Duke looked like aroused, but that turgid member seemed impossibly big for his friend’s slender frame. Nathan squeezed his eyes shut, pulling harder against the bonds. Something in his shoulder cracked, popped, and a new wave of pain washed through him.

“This isn’t real,” he whispered.

Audrey pinched his chin, forcing him to look at her. “No?”

“Audrey wouldn’t—”

“Audrey did,” Duke said from his position beside Nathan. “You asked her to.”

Slowly, her body turning to smoke, Audrey faded away.

It was just Duke and Nathan, the ropes biting into his thighs as he tried to squeeze them shut. He could still feel something moving inside him, shredding him open further and further. His muscles screamed and cried. At some point, he realized those sounds were coming from him. His legs convulsed, his arms snapped, the bonds cut to his bones.

“Stop,” Nathan pleaded.

Duke faded as well, leaving only the memory.

Alone in the darkness, the sensation of rape went on for too long. It was like channeling Tessa’s memories all over again. Except Audrey had been there, Duke had been there. He hadn’t been alone with only the smell of his blood for company. Nathan squeezed his eyes shut. The pain rose, building and building like a tidal wave inside him. His stomach felt full to bursting, his muscles scraped raw and open like a vault with all the contents stolen, and the rope seared into him. Panic swelled under his ribs, beating against his bones like an animal trying to escape.

He heard a door open and there was a square of light in the impossible darkness surrounding Audrey’s-couch-turned-Tessa’s-prison.

There was a silhouette standing there, neither man nor woman, simply large and dark. “No one will ever touch you again,” it said in a gravelly voice.

Nathan woke with a start, his breath coming short and his heart pounding. The movie's credits weren’t even rolling. He hadn’t fallen asleep for long, just a light doze that dredged up his fears. Audrey was curled against him, her cheek slumped into his chest and her hand resting at his waist. She was still sleeping.

For a moment, Nathan almost threw her off. His nightmare was so fresh. He thought he could still smell his own blood, still taste it, still feel the press of Audrey’s hand on his broken rib. He couldn’t bring himself to regret asking her to hurt him to trigger Tessa’s memories. In the end, he had managed to save Tessa which was all that mattered at the time and indeed still mattered now, but… the memory of Audrey digging her fingers into his wound—it was too much.

Something about his restless shifting or maybe the pounding beat of his heart in her ear roused Audrey. Groaning, she sat up and popped her neck. She glanced at the television and seemed to take in how little time had passed. She turned to Nathan, faintly smiling, as though to apologize for nodding off on him. However, once she saw the look on his face, that smile dropped.

“Nathan?” she asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said too quickly. He tried to shift away from her.

She let him have space, but he was caught in the blanket and she didn’t let go. “Talk to me, Nathan,” she said gently. “You’re not a good liar.”

Nathan heaved a breath and gave up trying to disentangle himself. “I just had a bad dream,” he hedged, trying for nonchalance.

Audrey settled against the cushions, looking at him with earnest eyes.

Nathan looked down at his hands and laced his long fingers together. He didn’t fidget. Since he couldn’t feel his own skin, there didn’t seem much point in fiddling with the loose blanket thread. “It was nothing,” he said more to himself than to Audrey. “It was just… dark.”

“Was it about what happened?” Audrey ventured.

Nathan fixed her a look as though to say, ‘What else could it have been about?’

Her lips quirked. Slowly, she stretched out a hand.

Nathan watched her approach. He neither tried to stop her nor welcomed the touch.

Her hand hovered there, inches from touching him. “What happened? Will you tell me?”

“We were here,” Nathan said quickly, “then we weren’t. We were in the warehouse and I was tied up again. I was Tessa again.”

“We?” Audrey prompted. “Duke was there?”

Nathan stiffened. “Not for long,” he admitted.

“And me?”

“You were gone first.”

Her fingers finally gently touched his sleeve.

He thought that he would pull away once she touched him, but he couldn’t feel her fingers through his shirt. There didn’t seem much point.

“Then what?” Audrey asked.

“A door opened and Tessa’s rapist was there,” Nathan said as though it didn’t matter. The way his knuckles whitened on the blanket gave him away.

“That bastard,” Audrey said vehemently, “is practically your rapist too, Nathan.”

He stiffened. “Nothing happened to me,” he said. “Not really.”

Audrey ventured down his arm and gingerly touched the exposed skin near his wrist.

Nathan watched her fingers map a path, recalling that only hours ago he still had rope burns there.

“It did happen to you, Nathan,” Audrey said gently. “And it’s okay to feel that way.”

Nathan let out a breath.

It seemed wrong that they were having this conversation to the backdrop of a children’s animated movie. He wanted it to be over. He wanted all of this to be over. He wanted to go back to normal. He had thought that since he couldn’t feel it, it would be like it never happened, but…

He turned his hand to take Audrey’s, holding tight palm to palm. She squeezed his hand comfortingly.

“Do you want to talk to Claire?” Audrey asked. “I’ll go with you, if you want, or I could just wait outside. Whatever you want, Nathan. Whatever you need.”

“I just… I wish I could get cleaned up,” he admitted.

Audrey opened her mouth to offer him her shower.

“Not like that,” he said. “I mean, without my Trouble. I wish I could feel the warmth and the water.”

Audrey nibbled her lip, staring absently at the television for a moment. “I… kind of have an idea,” she ventured.

Nathan glanced at her.

“I could shower with you,” she offered. “I mean, you can feel me so you’d be able to feel the water when you feel me, right?”

That seemed dubious logic at best, but Nathan supposed he had felt the warm mug when she held it and his hands together.

“Do you want to try?” she ventured.

“It can’t hurt,” Nathan murmured. At the very least, it would garner him more of her touches which were going a long way towards making him feel human again.

Audrey finally released him from the tangled blanket. “Should I draw a bath or do you want to shower? I can get a bathing suit, too—for both of us, if you want.”

A little chuckle escaped Nathan’s lips. Just this morning, Audrey had to examine his entire body for hidden life-threatening injuries that he couldn’t feel and she was worried about seeing him naked now. “No,” he said once he stopped laughing. “It’s fine. I’m not worried about you seeing me, Audrey. I think that ship has sailed.”

She pouted at him. “I was just being polite.”

“You can wear a swim suit,” he offered, “if you like. Whatever makes you more comfortable.”

Audrey nodded thoughtfully. “So, bath or shower?”

“Whatever you think will work better,” he said. “This is your plan.”

Audrey headed into the bathroom, started the water, rummaged under the sink, and returned with two bottles of bubble bath. “Lavender or coconut-mango?”

Nathan suppressed a little smile. “Lavender,” he said.

Audrey paced back into the bathroom and Nathan could smell the calming scent even from the living room. He listened to Audrey moving around, fetching towels, lighting candles, and turning on soft music. She headed into the kitchen and shifted some thing around in her fridge. “Do you want some wine?”

“No thanks.”

Audrey nodded, filled a cup with ice water, and then stood a moment at the threshold. “Are you ready?”

Nathan fought the little tremor that started in his head and worked its way down. “Yeah.”

Audrey beckoned him to the bathroom, setting the cup down on the edge of the sink. Nathan shut the door behind himself and stood with her in the small space. The tub looked like something out of a chick flick, surrounded by candles and plumed with mountains of sweet-scented bubbles. Duke had redone the apartment's bathroom when he remodeled the rest of the Grey Gull. He had installed a completely-unnecessary Jacuzzi tub that Nathan had mocked him for at the time. However, he was about to eat those words.

“Do you still want to get in?”

Nathan jolted and nodded. Quickly, he pulled off Duke's borrowed clothes and stepped into the tub. He couldn't feel the water, not the heat or the bubbles popping against his skin or the jets churning. He sat down quickly and stretched out his legs. After a moment, he turned towards Audrey questioningly.

Still dressed, she let her breath out and sank down beside the tub. She rolled up her sleeve, dipped her hand into the water, and found Nathan's leg beneath the bubbles. She ran her palm along his calf, curling around his muscle and then up over the knob of his knee. He shivered. In the space between her palm and his skin, he could feel the warm water moving.

Audrey searched his face. “Is it working?”

He nodded.

Audrey smiled and continued to run her palm all over the skin that she could reach. Nathan shifted and squirmed beneath her touch like a cat seeking to be petted in just the right spot. He arched into her, turned his shoulders, and exposed his throat. He let her run her sudsy hands over every inch of his legs, chest, and arms.

Audrey was leaning over the tub, the front of her shirt drenched from the spray of the jets, smiling at the bliss on Nathan's face. She was relieved beyond words that her plan had worked. She washed her hand over his shoulders and down his arms. She touched his back, mapping the plane of muscles, working out the knots of tension that she found.

After a little while, Nathan slumped against the back of the tub with a sigh. He looked well-and-truly done in, exhaustion and relief coating his features. The water and bubbles framed him in, making his hair darker and flushing his skin a lovely shade of pink. Audrey folded her arms on the side of the tub and rested her chin on them.

“Ready to get out?”

He shook his head. “Get in with me?”

“Are you sure?” Audrey asked, repressing a little shiver where her wet clothes pressed against her skin. “It'll be a tight fit.”

“I'm sure.”

Audrey stripped out of her sodden clothes without a fuss and stepped into the space between Nathan's legs. She settled down, forcing herself not to be awkward. After everything they had been through today, they deserved a little human comfort. She ignored the press of Nathan's fledgling erection against her back and tried to relax, breathing a little too shallowly to fool anyone.

“Audrey?” Nathan murmured. With a splash, he brought his arms around her and hugged her into him like a teddy bear. “Thank you.”

The tension fled from her. She dropped her head into the bend of his neck and shoulder. “I'm here for you, Nathan, whatever you need.”

Nathan tucked his face into her hair and breathed deeply. His skin was alive everywhere Audrey touched him, able to feel the heat and rush of the water working into his muscles. Audrey scooped up a handful of bubbles and wiped them along his forearm, popping each one with a delicate fingertip. He shivered with each innocent touch, doing what he could to focus on them rather than the feeling of her soft curves against his front. She sighed and slumped into him deeper and deeper, nearly dozing.

They lay together until the water grew too cool for Audrey to tolerate. She roused grouchily, stretched, and pulled the plug.

“Ready to get out?” she asked.

Nathan nodded.

“Do you feel better?”

“Much,” he assured her. “That was just what I needed.”

Audrey stepped onto the mat and wrapped herself in a towel. Nathan did the same, drying himself briskly and without shivering while Audrey acclimatized to the cool air outside of the water. Together, they headed into her bedroom where she gave Nathan some sweatpants and a shirt that would kind-of fit. She pulled on her pajamas and brushed the tangles out of her damp hair.

“You can spend the night here and I'll take you home in the morning,” she said and set aside her brush. She looked at him, her eyes lingering on his exposed ankles with concern before she took in his expression. “Unless you really don't want to stay.”

Nathan shrugged. He knew Audrey was worried that he would wake with another nightmare and that she wanted to be there for him. After his last one, he didn't think that was such a bad idea. It was worse to go through these sorts of things alone. “I'll stay,” he agreed.

Audrey smiled, relieved.

“We should call the station and check in,” Nathan said. “I'm worried about Tessa. She's all alone.”

“That's a good idea.” Audrey retrieved her phone from the living room and thumbed through her contacts. She wasn't ready to talk to Stan or Vince and Dave. Hearing her friends spew such venom at Nathan, even under the thrall of a Trouble, had left her feeling shaken. Given that Nathan hadn't want to call himself, she imagined he felt the same. “I'll call Dwight,” she said after a moment.

Nathan's expression shifted from nervous to eager. “That's a good idea.”

Audrey dialed and cradled the phone to her ear, sinking down on the edge of her bed. Nathan sat beside her, even though his sensitive ears could have overhead from where he was standing. His shoulder brushed hers and then he leaned into her.

“Hendrickson,” Dwight answered. In the background, Audrey could hear chatter and the steady beeping of a machine.

“Dwight,” Audrey greeted.

“Hey,” he said in a low voice. “How is everything? Nathan okay? I heard what happened.”

Audrey glanced at Nathan questioningly. When he nodded, she switched the phone to speaker.

“I'm here,” Nathan told Dwight. “I'm okay.”

“Thank goodness for that,” Dwight said. “I was out of town so I didn't hear about it until later. Vince and Dave are still arguing about what kind of story to run to cover this up.”

Nathan's chest twisted.

Dwight continued, “I told them to talk to you first, but I think they should just run it. Tell some semblance of the truth. This isn't the kind of thing that should be swept under the rug.”

Nathan let out a breath of relief.

Audrey smiled. For all Dwight's size and mannerisms, he was such a sweet guy. “That's a good idea, Dwight. Thanks,” she said. “Anyway, we were calling to check in on Tessa. We haven't had contact with the station since we rescued her.”

Dwight shuffled the phone. “She's okay,” he told them. “I'm actually here with her now.” His voice came through the phone muffled and distorted as he covered the handset with his palm. “Do you want to talk to Audrey and Nathan?” he asked Tessa.

Audrey couldn't make out the girl's response. She glanced at Nathan but the connection was too garbled.

Dwight came back on. “She's resting, but you should come visit her tomorrow. She'd like to see you.”

“We will,” Audrey promised. “Tell her that.”

“Of course,” Dwight said. “I had Vince station a member of the Guard here, but we were able to track down her uncle on her father's side. Apparently, he's been looking for her since her father passed and her mother went off the grid with her. There should be a happy ending after Vince and Dave are done running his background check.”

Audrey let out a little breath of relief. “Wonderful. Thanks Dwight.”

“I'll be here with her until then,” Duke said, “so don't worry about a thing. Nathan, you take care.”

Audrey hung up after Dwight was gone and turned her attention to Nathan.

“I'm glad she's got Dwight,” Nathan murmured. “If anyone came make her feel safe after what she's been through, it's him.”

Audrey nodded her agreement and put her phone on the charger.

Nathan fought a colossal yawn and then rubbed his face with his hands roughly.

“It's not to early to go to sleep,” Audrey offered. “It's been a long day and I'm tired too.”

Nathan glanced out the window at the darkening sky, but didn't protest. He was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. Physically, he supposed he was glad he couldn't feel even the lingering ache of sharing Tessa's Trouble. “Sounds good,” he said to Audrey. “I'll just make myself comfortable on the couch.”

“Don't be silly,” she protested. “We're both adults. You can sleep in here if you promise not to snore and hog the covers.”

The offer was too tempting to resist. “I don't snore, Parker,” he said tartly.

She rolled her eyes and pulled back the covers, climbing into bed beside him. Nathan snuggled down, curled on his side facing Audrey. Her blankets were probably soft, but he couldn't feel them. Instead, he was wrapped in the security of her scent. He shut his eyes and forced his muscles to relax, sinking into the soft mattress. Audrey reached out after a moment, carding her fingers through his hair soothingly. It didn't take long for the exhaustion to take Nathan. He slept soundly, warm beneath the comfort of Audrey's hand.

…

It was very late or else very early, depending on how one looked at the clock, when there was the faintest knock on the door of Audrey's apartment. She wouldn't have heard it over the sound of Nathan's delicate breaths if she hadn't been lying awake, tense with memories of her life in foster care. How many years had it been since she had sat up in the dark to protect her foster-sister, jamming scissors into the neck of the bastard who should have taken care of them?

The tiny sound prickled on the edge of her awareness, so faint that it might not have been there at all. However, when it came again, Audrey slipped carefully out of bed and tucked the covers around Nathan's shoulders. He shifted only slightly when her fingers brushed his cheek, murmuring. She snatched her gun off the nightstand, closed her bedroom door, and headed out to defend Nathan. What if someone hadn't been de-Troubled when they found Tessa? What if there was another rapist that Nathan hadn't seen? What if it was her foster-father, back for revenge?

However, when she jerked open the door, she succeeded only in startling Duke. He looked tired, worn from a long day and an even longer shift at the Gull. He had a tray with some food on it and a bottle of whiskey tucked under his arm. Despite both of those things clearly being intended for her and Nathan—maybe all three of them—he looked sheepish to have been caught outside her door.

“Hey,” he murmured. “Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I mean, I wasn't trying to wake you... if you were asleep. I just wanted to check in.”

Audrey lowered her gun, clicking the safety on and setting it on the little table inside the door. “Come in,” she said and stepped aside. “Nathan's still sleeping. Shh.”

Duke toed off his heavy boots and tiptoed in. He and Audrey made their way into the kitchenette where Audrey took out some forks and glasses. Duke poured out some whiskey for both of them while Audrey lifted the lid on the tray he had brought. There were some potato skins and a slice of cheesecake. With a hum, Audrey dug her fork into the cheesecake, blissfully letting the sweet melt on her tongue.

“Thanks,” she said and passed him a fork of his own. “I needed that.”

Duke sipped his whiskey, eyes straying to her closed bedroom door. “How's Nathan?”

“Sleeping,” Audrey said. “It hasn't been easy but I think he's okay now.”

“And Tessa?” Duke asked. “Did you call the station?”

Audrey forked up some more cake. “Dwight's with her.”

Duke gave a little snort. “And here I was worried about her safety.”

Audrey sipped her whiskey, enjoying the burn. “Dwight will defend her even if a zombie Trouble pops up between now and morning.”

“It's already morning,” Duke said softly.

“Well, then we live to fight another day.”

Duke nibbled a potato skin. “I called Claire earlier. She's booked out for the next two weeks,” he remarked. “She's really got her hands full with the aftermath of this one.”

Audrey sobered, putting her glass aside. “Do you need to talk?”

“Not really,” Duke said, “not about... this, more about... what happened to Tessa. How could her mother do something like that to her own kid?”

Audrey filled her fork with cheesecake and held it out to Duke. “I don't know,” she said softly. “I'm not sure I want to know.”

He accepted the bite, searching her face. “What drives people to rape?”

“It's not about sex,” Audrey told him. She had taken a course on interacting with survivors and perpetrators of sexual assault in the FBI. “It's about violence and power.”

Duke stared into his glass for a long moment. “That... makes a twisted kind of sense.”

Audrey polished off the cheesecake and sat quietly, nibbling on the fork.

“Well, I should be going,” Duke said finally. “I just wanted to check on you guys.”

“Are you sure? I can set up the couch for you.”

“Nah,” Duke said. “The Cape Rouge isn't far. I think I need to sleep in my own bed after a day like today.”

“Yesterday,” Audrey reminded him.

He chuckled.

They walked together towards the door and Audrey stepped outside with him, standing under the cloudless sky with the moonlight lying on her skin. The world looked big and peaceful, the waves lapping, the breeze rustling in the trees. Audrey pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Even though the world was a scary and terrible place, it was still beautiful and worth living in.

Duke pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tight.

Audrey wrapped her arms around him, her face tucked low into his shoulder.

“You call if you need anything,” Duke said.

“You too,” she told him.

Pressing a little kiss to her cheek, Duke gathered himself and headed out.

Audrey leaned against the railing, watching him climb into his little dingy and head off for his ship. She watched until he had disappeared completely and then lingered a moment longer, breathing in the scent of the sea and enjoying the blanket of stars. It would be dawn soon and she had barely slept at all. Shivering, she headed back inside and locked the door behind herself.

She tiptoed back into her room, pulled back the covers, and slipped in beside Nathan. The sheets were warm from his body and, though the moonlight dappled his skin, his face was thankfully unblemished. Untroubled by nightmares or tomorrow's Trouble, he slept without dreams. Audrey curled beside him and finally earned some well-deserved rest. Tomorrow was another day.

XXX

Anybody with me? Or is this idea too weird for anyone but me to go along with? I don't think anyone will change my mind at this point because I have the final chapter pretty much written, but is everyone for or against sex as a finale after the serious and touchy subject matter of rape?

Questions, comments, concerns?


	5. Survivor

“To heal is to touch with love that which we previously touched with fear.” – Stephen Levine

XXX

Princeton Charles had never been in a police station before. He was a straight A student with a full-ride academic scholarship to a prestigious college. His parents were proud and supportive. They had been ever since he was a child. He was very smart, perched in the top ten percent of his class. While not stunningly athletic, he participated in sports and was a valuable member of his high school soccer team. He was well-liked with a decent collection of acquaintances, a few very close friend, and a girlfriend that he had been with since freshman year.

Princeton was not supposed to be the kind of person who went to unsupervised parties. He wasn't supposed to drink while he was underage or do drugs. His parents would have been disappointed—maybe they would think he deserved what he got. He left his drink unattended—stupid, stupid—and when he came back from the bathroom, he had finished it without thinking. After that, it was a blur. His vision closed in, his heart pounded, his head ached, his mouth filled with salt and saliva. Date rape, it wasn't supposed to have happened to him.

Princeton had never been in a police station until today. He was wearing the same clothes that he had worn to the party, a pressed white button-down shirt and some neat jeans. A few buttons were missing where his assailant had ripped it open. His jeans were sticky with spilled alcohol and semen. His shoes were untied. When he woke up that morning, hungover, sore and bruised, he hadn't been able to find his socks. Barefoot, he had barely managed to tie his shoes and pull his clothes back on.

Princeton's hands shook as he loitered on the front steps of Haven PD.

Should he go in? Should he report what had happened to him?

Or just go home and shower and forget that it ever happened?

However, if Princeton was anything, he was not a coward. He was about to leave for college and he knew if he left things as they were, his assailant would go on to do this again and again and again. He might never be caught. He would keep doing this to people. Princeton didn't want to see that happen to anyone else. Hopefully, no matter how this went, he would still be able to make his parents proud and keep his grades up. His life wouldn't be over because of this, right?

Princeton paced on the steps, nearly tripping on his loose shoes. If he went inside and asked to speak to an officer, there would be no going back. Everyone would know that he was tainted, that he was stupid, that he was a whore. Maybe he should just walk away. The next person who got raped at Skip Jones's house party could report it. Someone else would report it. Maybe Princeton should just go home, shower, and put this whole mess behind him. He could focus on preparing himself for college.

Princeton shivered as the cold autumn wind blew against his side. He wrapped his arms around himself, squeezing the edges of his unbuttoned shirt together. There were hickies on his chest and throat, a bite in the flesh at the junction of his neck and shoulder, and a split in his lip. Something warm and wet seeped from inside him, soaking into his jeans. He shuddered, wanted to run, and found that he couldn't. He felt frozen, a mingling of fear and shame taking up root inside him.

Then, a policeman opened the front door. “Good morning,” he said cheerily. “Would you like to come inside?”

Princeton hesitated and then blurted, “No, no. I'm fine.”

The officer looked concerned, scanning a sharp gaze over Princeton's battered face and disheveled clothes. “Why don't you come in and I'll make you a cup of coffee?”

“Coffee?” Princeton repeated.

“It's cold,” the officer supplied, “and I've been told I make the best cup of Joe in Haven PD.”

Princeton's lips quirked in a little smile. “Sure,” he said finally. “Yeah, that would be... great.”

The officer pushed the door all the way open, stepping outside to welcome Princeton in. He smiled warmly, beckoning with an outstretched hand.

Princeton climbed the stairs shakily, shying from the proffered hand. The last thing he wanted right now was to be touched.

The officer immediately pulled his hand away, taking cues from Princeton. “Right this way.”

The coffee maker was a large shiny chrome thing, beastly and ancient, but there was a nearly-full pot on the burner. The officer opened the cabinet and Princeton noticed it was filled with mismatched mugs of varying degrees of seriousness. The officer pulled down a mug with cats on it and poured fresh coffee into it.

“Cream or sugar?” he offered.

Princeton nodded.

The officer took down a sugar bowl and spooned it into the mug. “Good?”

Princeton nodded.

He paced to the fridge and pulled out a carton of flavored creamer. “We only have french vanilla, is that okay?”

Princeton nodded.

The officer stirred a plastic straw into the mug and then slid it across the counter to Princeton. “Here you go.”

Princeton wrapped his hands around the mug and breathed in the sweet scent. He felt a little sliver of ice break free and begin melting inside him. “Thanks.”

“My name is Stan,” the officer said softly.

Princeton took a sip, relishing the heat. “I'm Princeton Charles.”

“Nice to meet you,” Stan said and pulled down a second mug. He began preparing a cup of coffee for himself. “What brings you to the station on a lovely Monday like this?”

Princeton gave a dry chuckle. “Is there such a thing as a lovely Monday?”

Stan laughed. “You're right.”

Princeton's stomach loosened, the warm coffee filling up a hole inside him. “I... I need to report a crime.”

Stan sipped his coffee, watching Princeton with an open gaze. “What kind of crime?”

Princeton tightened his grip on the mug. “I was... assaulted at a party.”

“I understand,” Stan said. “Would you like to sit down?”

Princeton realized he was shaking. He nodded.

Stan guided him to sit on an overstuffed couch nearby and then perched beside him. “Is there someone you would prefer to speak with?”

“Prefer?” Princeton repeated, glancing at Stan.

“Would you like to speak to a female officer or maybe our chief?”

“No, no,” Princeton said. He sipped his coffee, enjoying the sweetness. “I'd like to speak with y-you, Stan, if that's okay.”

Stan smiled just slightly. “Of course it's okay.”

Princeton loosened his grip on the mug.

“Let me know if I can do anything to make this easier,” Stan said. “I'm here to help you.”

“To help me?” Princeton repeated.

Stan smiled, his posture attentive and focused. “Of course.”

Princeton twisted the mug around and around in his fingers. “How... do I start?”

“Wherever you like,” Stan offered. “Tell me as much as you can. If you can't, that's okay. We'll work through it together, okay, Princeton?”

The sound of his name jolted him. For the first time since Princeton Charles woke naked and used in someone else's bed, he felt that he would be okay. He sipped his coffee again, soaking up the heat from the ridiculous cat mug and inhaling the fragrance of french vanilla. He met Stan's earnest gaze and began his story.

…

Audrey Parker and Nathan Wuornos watched Stan walk Princeton out to the waiting ambulance. A single cruiser followed the ambulance, neither siren wailing in the still morning. Audrey stood at the threshold until both were out of sight. Then, she tilted her weight and rested her shoulder against Nathan's chest. He adjusted his stance, leaning forward both to hold her up and show his support.

“I'm proud of Stan,” Audrey said lightly.

Nathan inhaled and exhaled.

Audrey felt his chest move with the breath and his nervous heartbeat turn steady. She tilted her head back, blonde tresses cascading against his shirt. “Aren't you?”

Nathan didn't smile, but he nodded. “If one good thing came out of Tessa's Trouble, then it was worth it.”

Audrey rested her palm on Nathan's bare wrist, drawing her thumb over his warm skin. “Two things at least,” she said.

Nathan glanced at her, goosebumps raising at her touch. “Two?”

“You also saved Tessa,” she said. “She's going to be in a better place with her uncle.”

“How can you be sure?” Nathan asked.

Audrey squeezed his hand. “I was in an out of so many foster homes that I can tell,” she said with a wan smile. “Trust me.”

Nathan interlaced their fingers. The easy touch was a reminder that while he had been hurt, he wasn't broken.

“Let's take a break for breakfast,” Audrey said. “Stan has Princeton's situation well in control.”

“I could eat,” Nathan agreed.

Audrey nudged her shoulder off his chest and headed into the bullpen to let the other officers know they were stepping out to make their rounds. Nathan shrugged into his leather jacket and snagged Audrey's off the back of her chair. He held it out for her, shifting it up over her shoulders. She fluffed her hair from the collar and followed him down the front steps. They climbed into the Bronco and pulled away from the station. On autopilot, Nathan wound a route through Haven, checking out hotpots and parks. Audrey gazed out the window, watching the peaceful town float by outside.

After half an hour, Nathan angled the Bronco into the Grey Gull's parking lot. Duke's tan Rover was parked in its usual spot, his dinghy at the end of the little dock, and there were lights on inside the Gull even though it was early.

Audrey glanced over at Nathan. “The Gull for breakfast?”

Nathan hesitated a step, his hand hovering on the gearshift. “Yeah? I mean, it looks like Duke's here.”

Audrey nodded. “I want to see Duke, too.”

Nathan put the Bronco in park and shut off the engine. Audrey jumped down from the passenger seat and they walked side-by-side up to the Gull's side door. Music was playing inside. Though Audrey couldn't see Duke, she could tell he was there by the choice of musician. When Tracy opened the Gull in the morning, she favored pop hits that Duke wouldn’t be caught dead listening to. Nathan rapped on the door noisily.

It took Duke a minute to notice they were there. Drying his hands with a bar towel, he crossed the floor and unlocked the door for them. “Audrey, Nathan,” he greeted. “Something the matter?” His dark eyes picked over Nathan critically, then Audrey, but nothing was wrong so there was nothing to see.

Audrey gave him a little smile. “Nothing's wrong,” she said. “Just wanted some breakfast.”

Duke raised his eyebrow. “You came here? Rather than going to the Joe's?”

Nathan nudged Audrey inside and shut the door behind them. “You make better pancakes.”

Duke snorted a little laugh. “So, you're just using me for my cooking?”

“What else would I use you for?” Nathan asked.

The question hung between them for a moment, dancing around inside Audrey's head, rattling like a marble against her skull.

“Audrey?” Duke asked.

Nathan settled his hand in the small of her back, guiding her up to the bar to sit down.

“I'll get out something to drink,” Duke offered.

“No,” Audrey said quickly, snapping back to herself. “I'm fine. I don't need a drink.”

“How about coffee?” Duke said, his face lined with concern for her.

“Sure,” she agreed.

Nathan slid into the seat beside her, resting his elbows on the bar.

Audrey traced the woodgrain with her fingernail.

Duke left them though they could still hear him clattering around in the kitchen. A moment later, he returned with three mugs hooked on his long fingers and a pot of fresh-brewed coffee in hand. He filled the mugs and set out the sugar and cream from the bar’s minifridge.

Nathan palmed the mug, inhaling the aroma while he waited for it to cool. “This smells amazing. Where’d you get it?”

“Jamaica,” Duke said with a grin.

Nathan’s eyes widened.

“Don’t get your panties in the bunch,” Duke told him, sipping his drink carefully. “I got them legally, but I gave myself a discount on the shipping.”

Nathan relaxed, smiling as he ventured a little sip to match Duke’s. The flavor of the Blue Mountain beans were unparalleled. Even though he couldn’t feel the heat on his lips, he could still taste the explosion of flavors. It was smooth, silky, sweet even without cream, and had just a hint of chocolate. Nathan sighed in bliss.

Beside him, Audrey drank her coffee mechanically. Her eyes were focused on a spot between them, unseeing.

“Audrey?” Duke ventured.

She jolted, snapping her eyes to his face. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She set down her mug. For a moment, she looked about to lie. However, Duke’s dark eyes were earnest and concerned, his hands clasped loosely around his mug, with the bar between them. His presence was non-threatening, open, and without judgment. To her side, Nathan’s eyes were a pale as the ocean sky. Though unmarked, Audrey saw Tessa’s injuries reflected on his face for just a moment. Like Duke, he could tell that something was bothering her, but didn’t want to pressure her. He was just there, a quiet support, helping her, watching her. Audrey let out a shaky breath.

“Not really,” she confessed. “Seeing Princeton come in this morning and watching Stan… I just… I couldn’t help but think about what I did.”

Duke wet his lips. “To Nathan?”

Nathan reached across the bar, his hand lingering within easy reach of Audrey’s, though he didn’t yet touch her.

She took his hand easily, interlacing their fingers. She could feel his calluses, the heat of his skin, and the pressure of his grip. “No,” she said softly. “When I hurt Nathan, it was because we had to save Tessa. We both know that I would never have done it otherwise. It’s not that.”

Nathan swept his thumb over her knuckles comfortingly.

“It’s about,” she breathed deep, “my time—Audrey Parker’s time—in foster care.”

It was on the tip of Duke’s tongue to tell her that Audrey Parker’s memories were just that—memories. Audrey wasn’t really her and those things hadn’t really happened to her. However, knowing that his memories of Tessa’s rape—of Nathan’s rape—were just memories too didn’t make them any easier to bear. Duke still woke in the night sometimes, his breath caught, with the phantom feeling of Nathan’s skin bruising under his grip and Nathan’s body clenching around him. The fact that it wasn’t real and hadn’t really happened didn’t make it not hurt. Duke offered his hand as well.

Audrey slipped her hand into his, pressed palm to palm with her fingers fitting perfectly between his. If she thought Nathan’s calluses were rough, they were nothing compared to Duke’s. He had captain’s hands, scarred and rough from working on the Cape Rouge. Yet his touch was impossibly gentle and his skin was warm from the coffee cup. She ran her thumb along the raised patch of skin on his hand where the rigging must have bitten into him. Duke shuddered, as unused to causal touch as Nathan, but he didn’t let go. He tightened his grip, an unspoken promise.

“I don’t know if I ever told you about her... My foster-father,” Audrey murmured. “He was molesting my foster-sister. I can still feel her blankets on me, lying in her bed, waiting with the scissors in my hands for him to pull back those covers. When he did, I plunged the scissors into his neck. I can remember how hot his blood was, spraying all over me, all over her bed.” Tears gathered in Audrey’s eyes, hanging on her lashes. She couldn’t wipe them away, her hands held by Nathan and Duke, but she squeezed them firmly for comfort. “I don’t know how she ever slept in that bed after that.”

“Hey,” Duke murmured. He leaned his weight on the counter towards her. “You did what you thought was right. You stood up for someone who needed it.”

“You’ve always done that,” Nathan said softly. He touched her face, smoothing the teardrops away with the pad of his thumb. “And you always will.”

“I can’t sleep,” she confessed. “Every little sound I hear in the night, I keep thinking that it’s him—my foster-father coming back to take revenge on me for what I did.”

Duke’s eyes widened, recalling the way his presence outside her apartment had managed to wake her. He tightened his grip on her hand, thumb carding over her knuckles. “Every night?” he asked.

Nathan glanced between them, keenly picking up that he was missing something. He had been asleep when Duke came, exhausted from the stress of Tessa’s Trouble on his body and mind. However, he didn’t overreact the way Duke had been expecting. He remained at Audrey’s side, fingers wrapped around hers and palm cupping her face gently.

Audrey nodded, more tears dripping down her face. Some makeup smudged away with Nathan’s touch, revealing the dark circles under her eyes.

Duke hissed in a breath. “Hey,” he said. “If you want, I’ll sit outside with a shotgun. No one will be able to get you if I’m standing guard.”

Audrey barked a watery little laugh. “That’s sweet of you, Duke,” she said, “but excessive. He’s dead. He’s been dead for years—cancer. I found his obituary.”

Nathan took a napkin and blotted the makeup and tears from her face. “Do you… want me to stay with you?”

Her eyes lit on his face, something between hope and shyness. “Nathan, no, I couldn’t ask you to.”

“You don’t have to ask,” Nathan said.

Duke squeezed her fingers. “He’s really taking one for the team,” he said with thick sarcasm, “sleeping beside a beautiful woman like yourself while I sit outside in the elements, defending the home front.”

Nathan slid a glower in Duke’s direction, but didn’t offer to trade.

Duke grinned at him.

Audrey chuckled. “Alright, alright,” she said. “Tonight?”

Nathan nodded. “We’ll come here right after our shift, provided there isn't a world-ending Trouble between now and then.”

“I’ll bring dinner up when you get here,” Duke said to Audrey. “We’ll get you all tucked in and I’ll even read you a bedtime story.”

Audrey squeezed his hand and then Nathan’s. “Thank you,” she said softly. “Really.”

…

By the end of the day, the apocalypse hadn't happened. Though Audrey had sorted out a quick Trouble that made it rain bullfrogs after lunch, the evidence of that was pretty much cleaned up by now. Aside from a long line of slime down the sleeve of Audrey’s jacket, she and Nathan were unscathed. It had been the easiest Trouble they dealt with in months, not that Audrey was really complaining.

However, she had already started trying to back out of her deal with Nathan and Duke. After reapplying her makeup in the Bronco’s mirror, she insisted, “You don’t have to stay the night with me, Nathan. I’m fine, really.”

Nathan pulled into the Gull’s crowded parking lot. “That’s not what you said this morning.”

“That was this morning. I was tired,” she told him and plucked at her jacket. “Now, all I want is a bath.”

“You can still have that,” Nathan said and hopped out of his truck.

Audrey huffed and followed him up the stairs to her apartment. “Nathan, you don’t have to—”

“I want to,” Nathan told her. However, he wavered outside her door even after she had unlocked it and gone inside. “Unless,” he said slowly, “you really don’t want me to stay. I’ll go if you’ve changed your mind.”

Audrey hesitated, kicking off her shoes and throwing her jacket in the hamper. “I mean…” she murmured, “as long as you really don’t mind staying.”

Nathan smiled and shut the door behind him. “Like Duke said,” he reminded her.

She grinned at the memory. “What do you think Duke will bring us for dinner?”

“Something good, I’m sure,” Nathan told her. “Why don’t you get cleaned up? You took a few more frogs than I did.”

Audrey made a face but headed into the bathroom to shower. She emerged fifteen minutes later in a shaft of steam, fluffy towel wrapped around her as she headed into her bedroom to change. She pulled on some comfy flannel pants and a tank top, stuffed her feet into lined slippers, and combed her hair. When she returned to the kitchen, she felt Nathan’s gaze like a physical touch. Without her makeup, wearing oversized clothes, she knew she looked as tired as she felt. She hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since Tessa’s Trouble.

Nathan took of his leather jacket, kicked off his shoes, and sank down on the couch. “Come here.”

Audrey curled on the couch beside him, tucking her feet under the fuzzy throw blanket. After a moment, Nathan opened his arms and she burrowed into his side. He pulled her close, letting her rest her head on his chest and pressing a lingering kiss to the top of her head. She breathed out shakily, soaking up the contact. Without the television to keep her awake, she was nearly dozing by the time Duke rapped on the door. She woke with a start and Nathan smiled at her sadly.

“It’s just Duke,” he said consolingly.

“Just Duke,” Duke called with a huff. “I’ve got dinner too.”

Audrey freed herself from the blanket and let Duke in. He had another covered tray of something that smelled amazing. Hopefully there was cheesecake, too. Duke carried the tray to her kitchenette and set it down while Nathan pulled out plates and set them on the little bar counter. Audrey started to pull some beers from the fridge, but Duke stopped her. Instead, he brewed a pot of loose chamomile tea and sweetened it with lavender honey. Nathan sat down to one side, Duke to the other, and Audrey took up her place between them.

Duke had brought light cod fillets with fresh mango salsa and herbed potatoes. He figured a full meal would put Audrey to sleep better than anything else. She dug in heartily, nearly moaning at the taste. Duke caught Nathan’s eye and wagged his brows. Nathan didn’t dignify him with a response, probably because he was inches away from his own food-induced moan.

“God, Duke,” Audrey said when she finished. “That was amazing.”

“That’s what they all tell me,” Duke said lightly as he washed up the plates.

Nathan dried them and put them away.

Audrey sat the counter, her eyes half-closed with exhaustion as she sipped her tea.

Duke finished and stood drying his hands with Nathan’s towel. “Wow, you don’t even look like you need a bedtime story,” he said.

Audrey blinked awake and sat up straighter. “Depends on what kind you’re going to tell me.”

Duke chuckled.

Nathan watched as Audrey finished her tea and pushed away from the counter. “You don’t have to stand guard outside, Duke,” she said. “It’s sweet of you to offer, but I’m fine, really.”

“Alright,” Duke relented dramatically. “I won’t sit outside, but I will sit in here on the couch.”

Audrey couldn’t help but smile gratefully at him. “I’ll get you some blankets and pillows. You’re welcome to anything you can scrounge up to watch or read.”

Duke and Nathan stood together while she bustled back and forth, stacking pillows and fluffy blankets on the sofa and fishing the remote for the television out from between the cushions. When she finished, she stepped back to admire her handiwork, caught them watching her, and smiled sheepishly.

“Do you need anything else?” Audrey asked.

“Not a thing,” Duke said. He let her watch as he pulled his Glock from the waistband of his jeans and set it, loaded, on the coffee table.

Audrey stepped into his space and hugged him tightly.

Duke was aware of Nathan watching them, but didn’t let that stop him from hugging her back. She needed comfort and she was his friend too. He would fight Nathan about it some other time.

“Thanks, Duke,” she said softly. Then, she glanced at Nathan.

“I’m right behind you,” he said and followed her into her bedroom. The door clicked shut and he heard Duke start up the television, the opening credits to some movie playing cheerfully. Nathan traded his jeans for another pair of Audrey’s too-short pajamas and the t-shirt he wore beneath his button down.

Audrey climbed into bed and busily fluffed her pillow, making herself comfortable. Finally, she settled down, lying on her side. The whites of her eyes glowed in the dark, reflecting the light of the bedside lamp. Nathan pulled back the blankets and slipped in beside her, hyperaware that Duke was just on the other side of the wall. Audrey curled into him and he put his arms around her.

“Thank you,” she murmured, “for staying with me.”

“Anytime,” Nathan told her gently. He pressed his lips to her forehead and then tucked her head beneath his chin, cradling her to him.

It didn’t take Audrey long to fall asleep, exhausted as she was. He felt her stir a few times in that first hour, startling herself awake with some phantom sound or nightmare. She knotted her fingers in his shirt, pulling him closer, breathing deeply the scent of his skin and cologne. Then, she would doze off again to the sensation of Nathan soothing his palm up and down her back.

It was after midnight when Nathan roused from his own dreams. Audrey was lying almost on top of him, her weight pressing on his bladder in the worst way. Gingerly, he squeaked out from under her and fit a pillow into the empty space where his body had been. He tiptoed out and relieved himself, careful not to turn on any lights that would wake her. However, he could hear the television still playing. Peeking into the living room, he realized Duke was still awake, sitting up with his gaze fixed rigidly forward on the screen.

“Duke?” Nathan whispered.

Duke jolted, snapping around to face him.

“Are you really going to stay up the whole night?” Nathan asked.

Duke looked tired, his eyes red-rimmed and his skin pale against the dark of his hair. “Audrey’s not the only one who has trouble sleeping after what happened, Nate,” he murmured.

Nathan ventured closer, aware that he was sleep-rumpled and wearing Audrey’s clothes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nah,” Duke murmured. “It’s nothing. I just still get nightmares sometimes that wake me up. They’re coming fewer and fewer. This is the first one I’ve had all month.”

Nathan eased onto the couch beside Duke. “Should I read you a bedtime story?” he said, only half-joking.

Duke’s mouth pulled into a grin. “Nope, I am good with the television here. You should get back to Audrey. We don’t want her to wake up alone, do we?”

Nathan shook his head and started to get up when Audrey’s door creaked open. She shuffled out, her hair wild and her face drawn. She didn’t say anything about Nathan leaving her or Duke still being awake, standing guard even though her fears were unfounded. Instead, she settled in between them, lifting the blanket that Duke had swathed himself in and curling up beneath it. She pressed her back to Duke’s side and threw her feet into Nathan’s lap. Her eyes were wet, shining, but she didn’t speak. Wordlessly, she took comfort in their presence and closed her eyes.

Duke rubbed his palm along her arm while Nathan caressed her feet. After a little while, she slumped bonelessly into them. Her breath came in little snuffles that weren’t quite snores from the semi-awkward position she had chosen. Duke adjusted the blanket over her, letting Nathan pull it over himself as well. He wedged a pillow between Audrey’s head and his bony shoulder. She murmured, but didn’t wake. The movie continued to drone, flares of color and light falling on her exhausted face. Duke shifted some hair out of her face with his fingertip.

“She’ll be okay,” Nathan told Duke.

“Sure, she will,” Duke agreed. “She has us.”

“You have us too,” Nathan murmured. “If you ever want to talk.”

“Thanks,” Duke said softly. “You too, Nate.”

Nathan nodded and shifted his position, settling down so his head could rest on the back of the couch. Duke did the same and Audrey adjusted with them, curling deeper into Duke’s chest, her fingers tangled in Nathan’s shirt. Warm beneath the fuzzy blankets and cushioned by all the pillows, Duke wasn’t so surprised when he managed to fall back asleep despite his nightmare.

XXX

And, wow, rape is a subject near and dear to my heart, but I managed to write sixty pages of this. I am considering doing a 'Haven Awareness' kind of series [because the Troubles really let you get away with anything] and working my way through some other important subjects like domestic violence and child abuse. Let me know if anyone else is interested in seeing more stories in kind of this same vein.

Questions, comments, concerns?


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